Apology is Not Good Enough

I am unbelievable, yet believable. 

Lol, that was lame but my point is I'm a disgrace and I don't deserve anything good that's been given to me, because all of it is a gift. I don't understand how someone like me, who was taught to grow up to be a pure, chaste young lady turned out to be who I am right now. I've lost my values and morals and I've let loose on everything that I believe in. I have little belief in the things around me. I don't know why but it's insane. I'm insane. I wouldn't be surprised if I end up in a mental hospital one day.

Us

I feel like crying.

No, I don't feel like crying. I feel like being with Sumeet right now. The past week has been pretty shit and empty, mainly because he wasn't there and made me feel complete. Yeah, as lame as it sounds, he truly does complete me, is what I think anyway.

15th August

Nothing special about today, you know just two exams. Fun, fun, fun exams as we established last night. Also it was really cold today. Not cold just cool. And I finally got a seat with the damn heater and wasn't freezing my ass off during the exam. Amazing.

Present: Take 2

So the one on Tumblr was pretty lame and so I've decided to simplify it and just get straight to the point. Hope you like.

Pretty sexciting stuff.

Had a pretty random day today. I was feeling pretty scared and upset in the morning, but having a chat with Marisa up in the conference room at recess kinda made me feel better. Apart from that nothing much else happened except played soccer on the oval and played around a bit. If you know what I mean. Aha

I'm still pretty angry. But that's probably because I'm an angry person. I hold grudges and I have no patience. I think that's completely stupid. I also think I'm stupid. I wish I could bash my head against the wall and then suddely be the most perfect person ever. But sadly, it would probably, no just saying that statement makes me stupid enough. Wow jasmine, wow.

Sweetest Thing

"i hope u read this sometimes later and know that it is true: i really miss u. i want u lying next to me, holding me tight , your hugs telling me that i mean the world to u, coz u are my world :)"


I absolutely love this guy.
Reading this made me tear up.

So sexy

I have a boyfriend.
And I'm feeling so good right now
minus my terrible voice.

So like I have a boyfriend and he's so awesome. We get up to so much trouble and dodgy things but it's all good. LOL jk, he's indian he's so quiet, timid and boring. BAHHAHAHAHHAHHA. Nah uhm, yeah I'm actually happy and I just wanna soak myself in this beautiful moment. What else is there to talk about. Oh yeah today in English, it's so hard to write stuff here cause I don't know who reads this bus but like sooooooo fun. For once we both received something good out of it and AND I also have a temporary souveneir of today's lesson. AHHAHAHHAHA. So yeah.

SUMEET, I WANNA FUCK THE CRAP OUTTA YOU ♥

Apart from an oh so amazing boyfriend, I had a darn good weekend, minus yesterday (which is half of the weekend but meh) cause I saw my boyfriend and it was just sad cause I couldn't even go up to him and hug him. I think that saddened me the most. Apart from that everything was all good, lots of talking actual SOCIALISING and tonnes of food. Except now I'm suffering from lack of sleep and would really love to get some now.

SLEEP & SLEEP ;)
if you know what I mean


Nothing else to say, better end this post now while I'm in a fantastically awesomely, amazing mood

LOVEYOUBABY.

170611

I totally missed the 6.9 mark, but who cares we're on 7 now.

I want to make this a long asssss blog post because I haven't written in a while mainly because there have just been a few assessments all put together and it's kinda stressing me out. So firstly, main point of this is it's pointless :P But like today is my and my boyfriend's LOL, seven months of being in an official relationship with each other. And basically to sum it up I want to use pictures because this way it is easier to sum it up. Dear pj sorry to burn your eyes with the following pics.

This is us kissing, obviously. On a side note, I dyed my hair and I'm so freaking happy. As you can see we make out alot. PDA omgosh, I hate it so much. I hate people watching me. Eh. Today was kinda upsetting though. I didn't get to spend that much time with him than I'd expected. But then again, I have high expectations right. So yeah 7months. Hooray for me.

I really feel like a rant now though. I'll do it in dot points because I can't actually be bothered typing it in detail. Rant begins...now:

• Firstly, what the fuck is wrong with me? I'm always BLAH BLAH BLAH and so on and so on. I'm actually hating on myself so much because it's just so annoying. And I hate it. Deja vu.
• I hate it when people take credit for something they don't do.
• Parents are annoying, or mainly just people in general.
• This weather is kinda annoying as well, I'm sick and as sexy, more like animated as my voice may sound I don't like being sick. It hurts everywhere and it's so hard to concentrate.
• Did I mention I don't like people?
• WHY CAN'T HE/SHE LEAVE YOU ALONE?!
• I hate being in a random pissy mood that has no reason behind it, cause it's stupid.
• People who are soooooo up themself, like dude, you should totally watch that youtube thing Sumeet showed me yesterday (btw, although you didn't mean it, it still hurted)
• Fights, so fucking pointless.
• Not getting what I want, but let's face it, I'm just dreaming hahah.
• School, why so stressful and boring.
• I have my provisional license, yet I'm not allowed to drive, althought my dad does have good reasons why, I shall not expand on that.
• Having no friends, but this is probably a result of my previous rant above about being annoyed at people.
• SAUSAGE FEST
• When my boyfriend gets all whiny and starts crying. LOL, that's me hahah.
• I hate it when my brain doesn't function.

I think that pretty much covers it right now.

And today, I caught the bus for once. I was walking towards PJ and just as I approach her, her bus comes so she walks away so I run after her and spill hot chocolate all over me. Lucky it wasn't that hot. Yeah, LOL. I'm so cool.

Anyways gotta do shit, like study and stuff.

I LOVE YOU BITCHFACE.

and everyone else, just not as much.

mwah mwah mwah ♥

200:

two hundred days of...


friendship, happiness, pain, hairyness, caring, eating, sexytime, hairyness, hugging, kissing, relaxing, studying, bob, good times, bad times...

and love.

DUDE, yeah.

♥

Adore

I absolutely adore my boyfriend and not just because he's extremely good looking but because he's a good person. He brings smiles to people's faces and he's there for people. He's caring, he's lovely, he's also quite tall and must not forget the hair on this boy. Overall he's amazing. I feel lucky to have him not only as my one and only boyriend but also a best friend. I think without him, I would be a mess, an out of control mess with no limits (see how I incorporated maths, hehe) and he's the barrier preventing me from continuing with the mess.

He makes me feel special and I love saying that he's mine, because I know, well he said, that he's mine and only mine, frankly because I absolutely hate sharing especially this guy. I feel bad when I do things that I may or may not be aware that he doesn't particularly like because I know that this upsets him. That and because it reminds me of Jess's and Daniel's relo, haha. We are nowhere near like that. I also think that where we are right now, ON TOP OF ALL THE BULLSHIT that has happened is a good place and I'm really glad that we're still as strong as we are right now otherwise I would be really sad if we weren't. I would do anything for him and I have and I hope that he has noticed that and I just want to make him the happiest boy in the world. Boy/tranny/girl whatever you wanna call it.

I stalk him. A lot. I like to know what he's doing and where he's at. Maybe because I'm insecure but knowing these things just calms me and in a way does make me happy. I'm finally a girl with a guy who she can rely on and think about and worry about and just have. Yes, have, own, mine, because I bought him. I bought him with all my love (and maybe tits).

He knows how to make me cry and he knows how to make me feel better. He's very mean sometimes, other times I worry that he's turning into a chick. I don't think I've met a guy as lovely as him and I feel really really really REALLY lucky. I don't ever want to let him go at the same time I don't want to prevent him from his potentials because it's so obvious that he can do better (like a blow up doll).

To summarise, he's mine and please don't ever, anyone, take him away from me, because if anyone did, I would be in absolut sadness.

i hate it when you choose poker over me.
it kinda feels like that's more important to you than I am, and it's annoying how you say when you say you want to spend more time together.

DAY 187

I still love you as much as I did from day 1, which is not much :P


Nah, I love you heaps more and I think, I hope you see that. Gosh I'm lovesick it's so fucking lame and lameeeee. But yeah. Also today I was extremely happy and tired. I felt drunk, BUT i didn't actually drink anything. It's like the feeling I get from drinking heaps and heaps of RedBull and just losing all the energy. Just like you said. I use up my energy way too quickly and run out before the day even starts. Yeah no more of that bullshit.

Just wanted to say HAPPY 187th DAYVERSARRY :):)

♥

because everyday with you is significant


:)

sexmonths

Today is 17th May 2011.

It's been six months since you asked me out. And since then, I've felt like the most luckiest girl in the world. I absolutely love you babe, and only you.

♥

Weekend

So today, IT WAS FUCKING GREAT. Ha, apart from my day, there's also the Royal Wedding which is to begin in less than half and hour, I think. That's what Sunshine said anyway. I'm kinda hyped, yes, call me a loser or whatever but I think it's a big deal. People, do you now know that one day this woman could be running the country. I mean it's not THAT possible, but it could still happen. Also the fact that I actually find her gorgeous and absolutely lucky to have met her man, who just happens to be the Prince of Wales. Back to reality, I also have a wonderful man, who IVY IN CASE YOU ARE READING THIS IS WAYYYYY BETTER THAN YOUR BOYFRIEND.

I want the whole world to know my boyfriend, actually not really because I'm scared someone might steal him away, yeah he's that hot and great and perfect. So anyways he's hairy and tall and kind and hairy and sexy and tall and loving and hairy and horny LOL and hairy. He has hair. Like seriously. Hair. Dude, I love you, and I know you'll be reading this so :P Uh he's hairy and I absolutely love him, like ABSOLUT VODKA hahah, I remember that night I swear if Kat hadn't been there you seriously would have gotten me to do whatever you wanted, but I was smart, oh so very smart. Oh why I like this guy and why he's so great? Because he makes me feel on top of the world even at the most unsophisticated and unclassy and dirty places. Of course that's in reference to what happened today. But what happened today is of course my DIRTY little secret. LOOOOL, not at that but another joke which I shall mention another day.

I do feel bad though. Yesterday I full dogged you at 11.30 and I wanted to cry. I mean I wanted to see you but like I couldn't cause I had to stay in class and pay attention. I don't want to fall behind, please understand. And I did TRY to sext Sukhman but he ignored my message and wanted you to think I totally forgot all about you so that you'd fall into his arms while you were vulnerable and take you away from me. I know his intentions, I can see it in his eyes. But I'm too good and yeah. So hopefully I've made up for the wrong I've done. And also, sorry about today. I can't freaking believe that I still failed religion. I studied a fair amount for that exam because 1. I wanted to do well and 2. I had to. Yet my efforts weren't given with the mark that I deserved although, I have been breaking so many rules of my religion and I guess this is what they call, Karma and yes I prolly did deserve the mark that I did get. I'm just not happy but I'm glad that I'm not the ONLY ONE to fail. Not that failing is any good. Yeah so sorry about that part of today. I'm pretty sure I've made up for it though. If not be prepared on Monday :D I sure will  be.

Nothing else to really say. Uh, weekend, which in my mind just means two days of not seeing Sumeet which is a negative thing. I'd rather put up with school and all the troubles it creates as well as stress JUST SO I can be with him during recess and lunch. Fuck, I really am into this guy and I find it so lame. HEHHE.

Also I just remembered, Justin Bieber's concert, second one in Sydney is today. I can't belieb I'm not there right now so Sumeet better give me a good show for me ahha, and he also said that he's gonna watch Never Say Never with me. Awww what a sweet boyfie. Heheh.

Okay, for real, that I got nothing much else to say.
Laters bychezzzz.
♥


p.s. this is for you babe. TICK ONE OF THE FUCKING BOXES, so I know if you like my blog entries. And so I know if you've read it or not. Which I'm pretty sure you read em anyway. loveyou

Hey baby

Na na na na.

So I was gonna post something sexy for you from our favourite website, but instead got carried away and just kept reading. HAHAH, so I will share it with you later.

I love you.

You make me say not much. Far out.


:P

I dont have any pictures of you,...If you know what I mean..Like normal ones so you owe me that AND last night I actually thought I looked rather lovely so I took heaps and heaps of pics just so you can see how I did look. :)

Why is it blurry? I have no idea why. But next time I post a post with picture I want it to be a picture of us. So GIVE IT TO ME already. Hahaha, I'm in need for You desperately, again,. if you know what I mean. I like speaking in code. Oh, btw... 85 90 74 ♥ That's my favourite. Hehe.

Oh Oh

Teenage dreams in a teenage circus


I think that line is absolutely nice. Also today I think I have alot more to say, which is a change because lately I haven't had the need to write and express myself and such. I know why and the cause of this whatever whatever but anyways no more rambling and get down to serious business.

While studying today, on my bed, Sunshine decided to annoy the cat and so it went into my room and sleep on my bed. It then started grooming itself and licking itself in places I do not want to mention. I did however start taking videos of it but I can't be bothered uploading it and sharing it with the world. But I just found it funny. Actually the cat did the same thing yesterday. It was on my bed and it licked itself everywhere and so I video-ed it and then last night I showed it to Alyssa who laughed with me. So see it actually is funny. But that wasn't a very serious topic thingy.

I can do the pretty girl rock rock
Rock to the pretty girl rock rock rock
Now what's your name?


I wish I could answer that and say Jasmine, but firstly I ain't pretty and I can hear someone going against that but shuttup bitch, I don't care what you say. Remember idgaf, but YOU'D GAF. You better get that because if you don't...I'll explain later :)

I think I got used to being with you all the time now that you're not here, damnnnnn, I feel so empty. Please fill me up again ;) Oh that reminds me...

The first time we had sex, HE broke the bin.

LOL, I found that so funny. Now everytime I see my bin, I laugh. Because it's just so funny. I wonder if that really happens. Yeah, I really found the most random things amusing. I don't know why. Oh another thing I remembered. The other night when Kat was here, we got up to mischief and drank pure cordial and after like 4-5 shots of it I started feeling a little weezy and it sure felt like I was getting a tad bit tipsy. I was even on cam laughing uncontrollably even though there was nothing. Anyways that night, omgosh, so horrible. Woke up with the shittest feeling ever, and my throat hurted and so on and so on. This is only here for future references. Next time that happens, it won't be with Kat but with you baby, and I'm pretty sure you'd be using it to your own advantage, if you know what I mean. HAHHAHAHHAH.

On a totally different note. What the freaking fuck is wrong with you? Like seriously. Get over it. Please. I know it's non of my business but when people dwell on such things that KINDA involves me it's annoying. Firstly I like to avoid such things but when you do that making people guilty and such, that's just a big NO-NO! Haha, but seriously. I thought I told you already, I don't care, so just I'm asking you one more time. Leave it. Oh boy, karma's gonna get me back for that. Yeah, dude, that really makes me feel good man. Uhm, and is it that hard to appreciate what you do have and just be happy with it? Seriously, I doubt you have the worst life on Earth and like yours may not also be the best, but don't you think you need to start seeing things on a brighter side or whatever the saying is.

No more of that mean stuff. My holidays have been really uneventful except when Kat came and the fact that I kinda got my boyfriend back. I should be a bitch and CRY everytime I don't talk to him. Or don't get an email.

FROM NOW ON, If sumeet does not email me or msn me or communicate with me, I SHALLL CRY.

HAHAHHAHHAHAHA, that's blackmail, but I love it. Hahah, nah, babe, don't worry. I'm kidding. I understand. And look at that, see how special you are. You got a special mention on here.

ਇ ਲੋਵੇ ਯੋਊ

Yes, I know how to write in another language now. Cause I'm so talented and multi-lingual. If it's another language I know, It would have to be Korean, considering all I've really done during these holidays is watch Korean Drama, which is really sad, so don't judge.

That's all for now bychezzz.

xoxo.
♥

p.s. ਯੋਊ'ਰੇ ਫਟ.

Eighteenth April

Yesterday was really special, even though there was nothing to celebrate.

Just kidding bitch. Didn't get to see you but like whatever. I was happy enough that I even got to talk to you. And as sad and lame as it may sound, I look forward to getting emails every morning because it makes me really happy and they're so sweet. I constantly smile to myself thinking, fuck, I sure am lucky. And everyone knows it.

I'm basically out of things to say, to everyone else anyway because I've pretty much said all that I can to my hunny bunny. Gosh, I'm so happy. I still cry at night though, but this time because of happiness. I'm filled with good memories that I just want to cherish and I want to build up this collection because it's one thing that I can do that is useful to me and won't upset me one bit.

Yeah anyways


Dear bitch,

I hate love you.

I can't fucking wait for next month.

I'm so happy.

You're the best.

Love always, me.


♥

Post

just so you know, i still care.

I can't stand seeing you get hurt, especially cause of me and for some reason it makes me happy seeing you happy. I was and still am stupid but what's done is done and let's just let time heal itself. Until then be happy...

Fuck, that was lame, but got nothing to write. I'm still somewhat pissed and I don't get how you can be so blind to something so obvious. I don't know how we work but we really both are stupid and weird. One thing's for sure though,

I LOVE YOU ♥

PMS

It's that time of the month again.

I'm a real bad ass. I make everyone cry, I even make myself cry. I don't know how I do it, and it's not even intentional, yet I'm so good at it. Another talent of mine that I've discovered. I constantly find myself bitching about people in my head and the worst part is, I'm not even bitching to anyone. I have no friends. Although I kinda like it this way because it is so much easier. Yes, everything I've done is to make my life easier, because I'm lazy like that.

I think I also blame others for things I know I've done wrong. Lol, jk. I wouldn't do that. To strain myself from hurting others and making them believe that they've done anything wrong I just keep to myself and don't say anything. Mainly because I don't really want to start anything, knowing that it won't be worth all the time wasting and because people's feelings are involved. The bad thing is, when I do keep things to myself I'm the one being affected. I constantly find myself thinking and just not focusing because I have so many things running through my mind and sometimes I guess that's why I just want to be left alone, so I can sort through my problems.

My mind is all over the place right now and I have no idea what I'm going on about. So like on the brighter side, my birthday is fast approaching and I'm super excited because I've waited 18 years for this day, haha, get it. And I finally get the freedom I want. I just hope people remember that it's my birthday and hopefully I get to spend part of the that special moment of my life with them. I know it's going to be such an insignificant for everyone else but I just want it to be the perfect day spent however I want. No party just partying, with people I care about and people who know how to have fun, because we don't want no party poopers. And I get to fucking drink, because I haven't yet. LOL. That and because I'm adult it gives me more freedom and, and I really won't have to care about what others say.

MAN, if only I could shut out the people I don't like. If I could, I would be so freakin' happy, but we all know that's impossible unless I was part of F4 hahaha. But yeah. I need to take advantage of my boyfriend man. He gets my so angry and makes me cry so much, I need to use that against him and make him my slave. Gosh, I miss that guy and the times when it's only just us two and no one getting in our way, things we're definitely so much nicer. But far out, parents, seriously, which brings me to my next point Tminus 46 days till D-day, which is the day I plan on telling my parents that I have a boyfriend, WHICH is also the day I turn 18 Man that's gonna be a full on day. I've also checked my assesment calendar, that's a full on week, so it's gonna be HECTIC hahah that guy so fucking hilarious; yeah.

Got nothing else to say so laters bychezzzz

Chou Yo Hana Yo

A BIG HELLO TO THE PEOPLE WHO WASTE THEIR TIME READING MY NONSENSE

Today was, well, how shall I put it. It was freakin' great. Yes, I know there was a Chemistry exam but you see as important as it may be, I like to see things on the positive side and will it benefit me. Okay, so now I'm just stupid because it obviously doesn't benefit me and now I don't even know what I'm going on about. But the main reason today was good because I pretty much kept my boyfriend to myself and made sure I shared him with absolutely no one else. As harsh as that may sound, I've hardly seen him in the past week nor have I had a proper conversation with him. It's not like I forced him to stay with me. He wanted to be with me too, I guess, I HOPE. Laugh out loudspeaker. Anyways yeah, HE SHOULD HAVE COME OVER THOUGH since I'm home alone right now and I have absolutely nothing else to do except you know study for my upcoming Engineering Exam which my whole class always manage to fail. And you know what I've noticed. I've never actually failed an Engineering exam before. All my marks have been 50%+ which I guess is an Outstanding effort because I said so. 

I guess there's nothing else to really talk about. I mean apart from the fact that I have managed to make my life seem like hell to myself, everything has been good. Oh, except I've just realised I won't get to see my boyfriend again for another week which REALLY does saddens me because I don't think anyone (apart from him) gets how much I love him and how much he means to me and just how much he makes me feel special. It really does make me feel selfish and that's why I've stuck to just him because I'm happy with just him, I don't need to be anymore selfish and pushing myself onto others. I'm really happy. That and because he makes me happy in all kinds of ways. I'm glad I can make myself smile, I know this is kinda off topic but I've noticed that whenever I'm down or someone else is down and I'm just talking casually to them, I suddenly bring up some lame or dirty joke and it kinda just relaxes the moment. I'm glad I'm actually amazing that way because most of the time, I really don't care about others. Not because I don't care but because I don't like sticking my nose in other people's problems. If I was needed I'd know or I'd be asked otherwise, I'll stay out of what's NOT MY BUSINESS.

So today's been good. I've also pretty much freed myself. From the things that have been dragging me down and I just wanted to be that carefree me again, the one who, well didn't care about what anything or anyone does. Just the me that's absolutely happy with the boy she loves and the people whom she care about the most. Gosh, I'm in a good mood, and I haven't even got sexed up yet. Laugh out loudspeaker.

Sorry for writing so much, didn't think I had it in me. And I was reading through my old posts right and I noticed that my writing was actually okay. Not the grammar but the way I presented it. It was interesting and it made me want to read what I wrote but yeah, I guess I'm just egotistic like that. I think I'm gonna read through it a bit more. It'd feel nostalgic going back in time though, oh well. Sometimes the past is good because it leads to where you are now.

No more writing. Save you the trouble of reading anymore. 

laters bychezzzz xoxo.

Never Again

A few days to my birthday, yet why do I feel like this.

So today I had a change of heart and like I feel much lighter on the inside now and I'm back to normal again, I suppose. I hope so anyway. It may be because of Austin but he's just I don't know. He's a real person, a person so far away that he may as well be a fantasy. It's quite sad that I am unfortunate enough to be unloved by people whom you think loved you but really, well they don't. It doesn't matter. I'm happy. My boys make me happy and I guess I can't really complain when I have something that makes me happy. I shouldnt be selfish and ask for too much and so there's a complete equilibrium in the world around us.

It's unfair that some people have so much negativity in their lives and it just seems that they have all the bad luck in the world. I know I may be sad at the stupidest things but I would be happy to share some of my happyness because I believe in equality between everyone no matter what race, gender, sexuality.

Sometimes I just think too much.



I LOVE YOU BOY :)
although you've made me spend so much money and time on you, it's all been worth it...now only if you were here right now...