I am not...

i am not happy. i am simply ecstatic, joyous, over the moon, glad, full of life, but not happy. who am i kidding of course i'm happy because of many reasons many of which i wil not speak of.

MY WEAKNESS: sweet stuff.
yes, this statement or that fact is very much a fact and is my one true weakness. i cannot help but be a sweet tooth nor can i resist the temptation of the sweetness sitting on a desk waiting for me to reach it, unwrap it and slowly place it in my mouth as it melts. aah. the sweet taste of sweetness. gotta love that. it may no longer be a wonder why i at many times am of high energy at the most questionable times of life. this is of course aswered by the one thing that i have no control over. my addiction to the sweet taste of sugar and all the many poisons it has done to oneself's body as well as the image of this thing.

gotta love today.
halloween.
just take the lollies from sunshine.
:D



still having those random thoughts. really ? yes man. it's so hard to let go. even though people say it's v. easy it's actualyl v. hard and it's not like the problem has disappeared i've just hidden it and covered it from what it really is. can't complain though. theres people who have worse lives than i and although mine may suck i know it's not the end of the world and that im 100% sure off, for now anyway.

Tone: Poetry

Your past haunts you when you least expect it.
That's what I said to Jasmine moments ago.


But I'm joyous. And that's great.

Tell later.
make the most of now.


Purp. YOU ARE EFFING GAY. YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO SAY THOSE THINGS.

Lotus

It's eating me away.

The guilt inside of me.

Yet, what have I done.

Did I do wrong against you.

Jasmine, Jasmine, Jasmine

You really have done it this time.

There's nowhere to go now

But forward.

Still, where that takes you

Is unknown.

MY: favourite word

Jasmine doesn't want this blog to be oh so boring and therefore has realised that she in fact needs to make it more interesting and suitable for the audience, whomever they may be. She will begin by speaking about her day and the main events which has occured. No, she cannot be bothered to do that and will instead create a story for those interested in reading it or disinterested in whatever else they may be currently occupied with.

A modern day girl sees the world as it. She lives by the rules of her parents and those around her. At times she may disobey these rules and go against everyone else, just like every other modern day girl. In her face it can be seen that she is filled with happiness yet something disturbs her within. Like in a cartoon where theres a devil on one shoulder and an angel on another, both showing her different paths. Confusion fills her and somehow, just somehow she listens to the little devil which manages to persuade her to the darker side. From that day on, she no longer saw the world as it, but rather than all the imperfections it had. She criticized people not caring for who they are and losing respect for everyone. She was out of control and yet she couldn't do anything about it. As the day ends and once she is in the comforts of her own room, her bed and everything which made up this different world where she could be whoever she wanted to be and couldn't be judge, whether it was good, or bad. She would cry herself to sleep at night, not wondering what she has done wrong but why no matter what she does it doesn't satisfy her, as if everything was wasted effort to ensure everyone's happiness and in the end caused her to relinquish as she could no longer do anything. She gave it all up, her family, her friends, her world...

my, my, my.

that's a disastrous story. i think i might stick to my normal blogs such as telling the whole world who probably don't care about how my day went and what i'd done throughout the day. at least i know that whatever i do write i can't be criticised because that is me and that's how i live my life.

boxing, i dont want to say it but I TOLD YOU SO (and not you PJ). I said it would be fun, but hey no one ever listens to me right, because i'm just me, what do i know. stupid stupid little grow who's meant to be mature and the person whom everyone looks up to as their role model. but no more complaining because i know that my complaints are useless in this world. i let it out in boxing. i was and still am tired but maybe it was worth it maybe it wasn't enough. i just want to keep punching something or throw something  or anything because clearly things are still the same. i'm still the same jasmine with the same jasminesss and yeah. i'm making my dad buy me boxing gloves now. take it out on him. even though he doesn't deserve it, my family is the last group of people i would blame for this state in which i'm in. so boxing, it was good.

do you remember my friend. his such a man. i mean his name even says that he's a man. well he's terrificly awesome and there's no doubt about that. maybe this friendship is v. awesome and i'm quite glad that it is what it is. anything that alters what this thing is/has could probably make things worse and right now that would be a bad thing. so yes. highlight of my day. having a man as my friend. well wouldn't that be your highlight too. i can't believe i'm so mean tho. i don't mean to be. i'm just trying to look out for him. maybe my ways aren't the right ways but i try.


I want to box right now.

i had dinner today. like not outside in a flashy restaurant or at some friend's house. just at home with the family. it was like any other day. but i don't know i just realised it. we talk at the table. that's what usually happens anyway. except when at least one person is not in the mood. then there's this silence which i wish just go aways but whatever it's nice. best part, teasing sunshine and getting her into trouble.

I'm good at making stuff up.
Though I'm a miserable liar.

This day, has been quite even.

28th October.

Get it ?

dont ever again

no more asking me anymore questions and dont you dare give me any sympathy or any of that crap because i will tolerate it and do not, seriously  
DO NOT TELL ME WHAT TO DO WITH MY FUCKING LIFE

i am sick and tired of this school. i'm sick of the people who just waste my time telling me pointless things and i hate people who suck up to other people big time and people who are two faced. 

ive thought about it a lot and i dont have friends. i do but i dont. like no one that i can really rely on and be there for me whenever i need them and i dont know if it's me or what but that's really how i feel. it makes me cry thinking about it plus the fact that i have to lie to people just so that i will be left alone it's v. stupid but that's how i get through my day. on top of that i can't even maintain my studies. i manage to fail that too even though i dont have any friends. im so scared for my future that nothing will happen and i will be a complete failure with nothing. and it hurts. it does. it makes me cry, non stop. i try hard to live up to everyones standards but in the end i'm never good enough and i dont know why i waste my time doing things for other people when i can be doing things that could help me. but what good will that do anyway right? nothing. if things were different, it would be a fantasy. a utopia. but this is life.

but you know what the worst part is. i have nowhere to go.

are you all fucking happy now?

**excluding the two most awesome friends of mine plus one other special cockroach :P
KJK. :)

gotta love that

crazy
insane
hysterical

its all part of being a woman.

THINGS WHICH HAS/WILL MAKE ME INSANE

right now the only thing on that list is




TOWERS

f to the you to the CK.
:/

my, my, my

oh fudge apple.

everything is all wrong.
this means that EVERYTHING IS NOT RIGHT.
i didn't plan anything
except i had expected things to be different
you know where the princess gets her happy ending


i'm not going to say it again because this topic which i'm thinking of probably has a life of it's own because of its repetitiveness and that well and truly sucks you know. i dont like the idea of me thinking about it but everytime i do it kinda is the right answer although to myself i'm not making any sense. some people are right and some are just plain wrong. they are just selfish and sometimes can't see what a person is going through. maybe if people had tried to open their eyes and saw things the way i do, that way i get hurt and the way i see myself being totally something. this is such a complete waste of my time. but because i dont really have anything worth spending it on this is the most useful way to spend it. i don't even know why i bother sometimes.

towers you effing suck
i dont even know why i'm even doing this,
esp. when i know that i dont have to.

A Thousand Times Worse

Seriously?
i'm so annoying.
it's not funny.
what the hell is wrong with me.
see now i even said that word.
ai ai ai.
this is so not good.
at least i have the option to watch scrubs
which is what im doing right now
maybe chuck afterwards
just blabbing
idk
reallly really aargh ?
ok, thats so not cool
its 9.15
hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
ah snap.

glad :D

really and truly am glad.
how lovely is it today.
ive done such a wonderful deed and made everyone happy including myself.
the real question is should i take this another step forward or would that just be too far. although it kinda is pointless as i've told myself over and over again but just that satisfied feeling is what i feed on and i like that feeling. hmmm. must wait for myself to come back and talk to me then.

oooh. oh so awesome.

Nyaks

i just needed this blog to be on top
:P

oh my,

it has come to my attention that lately i have been having trouble sleeping. that or the fact that i'm bored and i'm sick of my parents telling me what to do all day everyday and all night everynight. and so this is my rebellious plan against them. going on the comp late at night everyday talking to people because well i damn feel like it. what can they do, they're sleeping already, right?

so the thing is do i get attached too easily or maybe it just depends on the person. or the fact that i'm very reliant if that is even a word on other peopl. like i've just noticed that i have to many unecessary friends. that just sounded stupid. let me rephrase that. ok, i totally distracted myself and just lost my train of thought.

well done jasmine...

gosh, is it right to talk to people? i mean if people tell you to talk to people doesnt that mean your just listening to what they're saying, such as a peer telling you to talk to the new kid. oh gosh. i lost my train of thought again. and its because i changed windows not because im crazy in the head. LOL but something like that.

i love geography.

because i wanted to make sure that i wasn't being conned into anything i did some background check and i found out that uttar pradesh is in the north of india or somewhere thereabouts whilst bangalore is somewhere in the south of india. so now i'm really confused and need to do some more background checking. oh btw, im making this all up. im so effind bored. and btw again, the places a real. but thank gosh that sitch isn't. that would be creepy. wouldn't it?

ah, jasmine needs sleep.
right now it's 12.12.AM
HAPPY BIRTHDAY PAPA.
yer, thats all.

ah shucks :)

simley wiley :D

damn it

damn it

damn it
damn it
damn it
damn it
damn it

• damn it

damn it
damn it
damn it

damn it

1. damn it

damn it
damn it
damn it
damn it
damn it
damn it
damn it
damn it
damn it
damn it
damn it
damn it
damn it
damn it
damn it

ive emphasised on that two words a lot. because it's quickly falling apart.
oh gosh.

Crazy

oh really ?

yes.

i dont believe you.

well you have to now.

why?

because i said so.

and?

because i said so.

mhm. im not getting you...

i said so damn it.

ok :)

now what did you do that for.

because. i felt like it.

here we go again.

Aura

There was a time when i believed in a person's aura. And I guess I still do. Like I can kinda sense it and sometimes I can't but maybe I'm just making up all this mumbo jumbo shit, who cares. Anyways sometimes I feel that this aura that people have affect me greatly. With some people, it feels like they're aura is great and it encourages me to feel great. But yeah.

I don't know why I do these things but it makes me happy. I just hope I don't take it too far, like I always do.

Bestseller, Published in 2003

it's that time of the year again when everyone is in such a big rush to get their english work done. and by english work i mean ENGLISH. and by ENGLISH i mean wide reading. yes, that thing that our grade dreads so much but rather complains a lot when this problem could easily be solved by STARTING earlier, unless of course you are I and had no idea that this thing was due sometime in the near future. moving on...

...i have the right to do what i want whenever i want to because it's my life. i do not have to inform everyone of my choices because what i do results from my own actions and therefore no one else becomes involve in these situations.



MY LIFE, MY CHOICES

so stay the fuuuuccdge

Get Over It

Currently: Good Girls Go Bad Cobra Starship ft. Leighton Meester

LOVELY.
that's Katrina.

What is there to talk about? Usually I can write pages and pages of the most random stuff ever all just made up and now I'm just speechless and have no clue what to talk about. Is it just me or am I growing up and getting over everything and sick and tired of it. Really. I have no idea. I'm probably just being a random old me and doing what I always do. Be me. But who am I?

I went driving today, first time I drove with a passenger. It's s annoying how I get so distracted easily and like there, distracted again. But whatever. Driving it was fun. Although it wasn't a long drive, it was enough for me. Plus on the good side I got home @ 4 ! Woo. That's like so awesome because that's a whole hour earlier than the time I would have arrived home if I had caught the bus home. That makes me so happy.

I don't wish to complain anymore than I have today even though there's a lot more where this came from. I think just keeping things to myself is the easiest way to live my life maybe write in my diary haha but yeah I'm all good for now even though I still feel that things have changed majorly. I don't really, well not in the mood to discuss anything on this topic so like just smile and wave. I mean if it can work for penguins then a human would easily be capable of doing the same thing. And with a face like mine, no one can resist it :P

Party in the USA !

gusto ko kea mag punta doon. kaso alang pera tapos meron pa akong skwela. nakakainis talaga. pero, ano magagawa ko. ganito naman sa lahat nang tao.

there's ups...

...and downs.

sleeping: what i want to do

yesterday was clearly one of the best days ive had in a while. right, it didn't actually start out very well because i was in my far out why am i going out with my family today mood kinda things and like yeah. went shopping for a dress which was a complete fail because i didn't find a single one that i liked and yeah. afterwards we went to Stephano's in Parramatta which is a like an italian restaurant place with woodfire oven pizza. it was nice. but like one of the waitresses kept looking at my dad and i was just like wtf man. seriously. but whatever. good, great, brilliant day.


the day after was/is a major let down.
on top of that the bus is gay.



I DON'T CARE! so stfu.
esp. you alyssa

i find leighton meester pretty hot. and awesome. yeah.

Pizza Dough Recipe

I'm currently on a search for a dough recipe because im hungry and dad is sleeping because he has to go to work tonight and therefore i cannot wake him to take me to the shops to get pizza and so im searching for a nice pizza to make myself.


oh how things have changed...


Holidays:
- Gossip Girl
- Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle
- How I Met Your Mother
- The Golden Compass
- G-Force 3D
- St Trinians
- The Unborn

that's all of i've done these past holidays... great huh.

btw. im so gna beat alyssa in that dress making competition.

#300

firstly i'd like to congratulate myself for reach 300. quite insane really. how does one reach such a large number. to tell you the truth i have no idea but whatever right. so yes. happy 300th.

my day was what you call a good/bad day. it didn't exactly turn out as planned. we set out early in the morningt to go to the treetop adventure thingy in gosford and like we got there and it's awesome right but like the peoples there said you need a booking esp. on weekends and school holidays which today happened to be both. we left with disappointment because it was going to be fun.

after that we went to the entrance to go for a swim. the tide was high but it was low enough for us to be able to cross the water. as soon as we reached it though there were jellyfish and i despise jelly fish oh so much and so that ruined. we decided to go the pools and even those were close. luckily the little one was open but man was it cold. then soon it was forecasted to storm and so we decided to screw that and leave.

as you can see the day hadn't really gone to plan but whatever right? we had lucnh at this really nice chinese restaurant, i mean like the food was really nice. then we as in me alyssa and my mum went shopping for stuff because there was a sale and i bought myself a purple ball :D then we went to the festival thingy or whatever but like the rides were closing. luckily the carousel wasn't so we went on that. overall my day was awesome. even got to watch how i met your mother.

but yes.
excited for tomorrow.
buying materials for the dress.


GOODBYEE

what a week

since the last time i wrote to you a lot has happened.

...not really.

i can't be bothered going through the fine details and etc.
yesterday was fun.
the bucket.
the slide.
the river.
the water.

gosh i love swimming.
oh so much.

pictures of what i did get the chance to take a picture of.
:( no pictures.

damn it. the pictures wnt be square. they're lining with the text. fix it later. can't wait to make a dress and fully own alyssa. going out on monday how fun/boring. depends if jasmine comes. but will be with alyssa. hmmm :/

chips ahoy !

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SUKHMAN !

seems to be the only nice thing i can think of saying right now.

truly:

• a great day
• fun
• excitement
• sugartastic
• different
• awesome

yes, those words is pretty much how i would have to describe the day ive had. it's been quite eventful and turned out more that i had originally expected which i really don't care because it's a good thing. jasmine and anavi came over and was just on comp whilst i got ready. then left for gels's house. got there, people were there already. man i so can NOT be bothered talking about this. let the pictures speak for itself then?

oh, btw, went driving afterwards. luckily jasmine and anavi hadn't hitched a ride cause like i nearly, well let's just say it wasn't such a safe ride ;) and it's my first hour driving at night AS WELL as driving in the rain. kudos to me.



yer, it was AWESOME !
thanks gels.

Welcome Holidays

today is the beginning of a new era.


not literally. it just means that it's not the beginnnig of holidays and that's about it really. HAHA, so not funny. anyways gonna party tomorrow wearing curry clothes, or suit but i don't really know what it's called. jasmine and anavi coming, damn it have to clean up now. hmm what else. oh yeah. sukhman's presents. funny stuff man. im glad he doesn't read this because it was my idea. but my bad man. if you didn't expect it to turn out like that. plus i gave him lots of chocolate anyway so that practically makes up for it. hehe.


i like wrapping stuff.
because you know what.
im creative.
when i want to be anyway.

as well as that daniel tried to teach me how to kick the ball up so i can juggle it and man did i fail. it's so hard and i just couldn't do it and like it's so annoying because i was trying so hard and just couldn't kick the ball. gay, oh well i can practise at home with my basketball (cause supposedly, you can do that, hmmm). day was good. i just want to smile.


question: if the human eye can only see the colours of the rainbow but there are more colours which exist does this mean we can imagine it and how would it look?


jasmine, you're supposed to be completely and utterly over it but why do you act like that? you still try to live up to it's expectations yet you say that it no longer is. are you lying to yourself or are you really past it ? JUST TELL ME !


cge. buh-bye na ako.

that's fucking gay

thats fucking gay. to the max
it's just not fair.

why cant other people go.
if only the plans were made differently.
GAH!
it better be fun, otherwise it'd be such a waste of time and money.

aaargh !
thats so unfair.
that wasnt even the original plan.
why did it even have to be that ?!??!?!

hmph.
fcuk you people

yummy drink

it's so hot and like it's hot. LOL
so im drinking my ultimate drink which i made myself and it's nice and cool and sweet and perfect because it's enlightening my mood. But yes because i was outside beforehand and went for a twenty minute walk. Anywho it was to get the present for one of my few friends in this world but whatever that ain't interesting anyway.

Here's a question:
Is it shameful to unbutton your shirt in front of a couple of guys without actually opening the shirt like you keep it closed.

It was funny cause I found it on yahoo! answers. someone asked that questionLOL

pj ;)

hmm. glee tonight. i can finally watch it.
yey.

damn, towers :(

must wrap now..


does it mean one still has feelings for him?