Showing posts with label fail. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fail. Show all posts

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

MY: favourite word

Jasmine doesn't want this blog to be oh so boring and therefore has realised that she in fact needs to make it more interesting and suitable for the audience, whomever they may be. She will begin by speaking about her day and the main events which has occured. No, she cannot be bothered to do that and will instead create a story for those interested in reading it or disinterested in whatever else they may be currently occupied with.

A modern day girl sees the world as it. She lives by the rules of her parents and those around her. At times she may disobey these rules and go against everyone else, just like every other modern day girl. In her face it can be seen that she is filled with happiness yet something disturbs her within. Like in a cartoon where theres a devil on one shoulder and an angel on another, both showing her different paths. Confusion fills her and somehow, just somehow she listens to the little devil which manages to persuade her to the darker side. From that day on, she no longer saw the world as it, but rather than all the imperfections it had. She criticized people not caring for who they are and losing respect for everyone. She was out of control and yet she couldn't do anything about it. As the day ends and once she is in the comforts of her own room, her bed and everything which made up this different world where she could be whoever she wanted to be and couldn't be judge, whether it was good, or bad. She would cry herself to sleep at night, not wondering what she has done wrong but why no matter what she does it doesn't satisfy her, as if everything was wasted effort to ensure everyone's happiness and in the end caused her to relinquish as she could no longer do anything. She gave it all up, her family, her friends, her world...

my, my, my.

that's a disastrous story. i think i might stick to my normal blogs such as telling the whole world who probably don't care about how my day went and what i'd done throughout the day. at least i know that whatever i do write i can't be criticised because that is me and that's how i live my life.

boxing, i dont want to say it but I TOLD YOU SO (and not you PJ). I said it would be fun, but hey no one ever listens to me right, because i'm just me, what do i know. stupid stupid little grow who's meant to be mature and the person whom everyone looks up to as their role model. but no more complaining because i know that my complaints are useless in this world. i let it out in boxing. i was and still am tired but maybe it was worth it maybe it wasn't enough. i just want to keep punching something or throw something  or anything because clearly things are still the same. i'm still the same jasmine with the same jasminesss and yeah. i'm making my dad buy me boxing gloves now. take it out on him. even though he doesn't deserve it, my family is the last group of people i would blame for this state in which i'm in. so boxing, it was good.

do you remember my friend. his such a man. i mean his name even says that he's a man. well he's terrificly awesome and there's no doubt about that. maybe this friendship is v. awesome and i'm quite glad that it is what it is. anything that alters what this thing is/has could probably make things worse and right now that would be a bad thing. so yes. highlight of my day. having a man as my friend. well wouldn't that be your highlight too. i can't believe i'm so mean tho. i don't mean to be. i'm just trying to look out for him. maybe my ways aren't the right ways but i try.


I want to box right now.

i had dinner today. like not outside in a flashy restaurant or at some friend's house. just at home with the family. it was like any other day. but i don't know i just realised it. we talk at the table. that's what usually happens anyway. except when at least one person is not in the mood. then there's this silence which i wish just go aways but whatever it's nice. best part, teasing sunshine and getting her into trouble.

I'm good at making stuff up.
Though I'm a miserable liar.

This day, has been quite even.
28th October.
Get it ?

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Unfair

THIS IS UNECESSARY!



This is what I get for telling someone I like them. The feeling of unworthiness and just not good enough. Do I not deserve to be happy? What did I do wrong to receive this? Sometimes I wish that I never went to Australia. Now I have double the problems I had before. At least I expected it, but everytime I read it and think about it...I still have the same reaction that same feeling of being unwanted.

I know what it reminds me of now. You know how in movies, just before people die they say their life flashes before them. This is similar to what is happening to me. All those good times we had, I keep seeing it and it just makes me sad becaseu I know I've ruined that and I also know that things won't be the same ever again. Now matter how hard he tries or anyone else because I know how stubborn I am.

This is the first thing that comes to mind: shit. Seriously, there's no point in those (i forgot) now. He was the reason I could stay happy and stay normal but without him there's nothing that can keep me together and you know how stupid I feel now very. I need a new blog. People know thise one and anyone can read it. Gosh! I want to cry. I am sad. I really am and I just want to cry. And I'm not ok. Just, just don't ask me why. Aaargh. Now I want to scream. On top of all that I'm fat and that doesn't help anything. Aaargh. Stupid me. I'm a fat loser who always get rejected by everyone. I mean I don't mind where I am now but I'm not happy. Not completely anway. I know that people can't have everything they want but I would sacri... No, I wouldn't because I know I still wouldn't get what I want. I should just stop wasting my time.

I am now alone, and that I'm sure of.

Saturday, April 4, 2009

HAHA, i'm not laughing

Over and over again
cause it's all in my head...

I woke up this morning, up and ready to go swimming. Lately, waking up in a Saturday morning I've felt more enthusiastic about going swimming. I don't know why this is the case but it's a good thing. I got there and Julia was back. Yey? And because I was there early she asked if i wanted to join the early class and I did it, which meant i finished earlier. Woo, I could do all the things she said EXCEPT for the fact that I couldn't breathe, but that's just me. So yeah.

Now i'm at home and like I'm doing the first part of the Healthy Assignment which I find a complete waste of time because it is. So yeah. While looking for info I came upon this (http://www.reachout.com.au/default.asp?ti=1866) I thought it was a good website and it really gave me help on what was wrong with me.

Why I'm feeling crap:

  • You have experienced one or several big or small stressful events or tough times.

So yeah. It may have been cause by one of the following:

  • Family problems
  • Relationship or friendship problems - breaking up with someone or fighting.
  • Starting at a new school or job.
  • Being a carer or living with someone with a mental or physical illness.
  • Feeling bored or unstimulated, e.g. in the school holidays.
  • Not eating well
  • Not getting enough exercise
  • Not getting enough sleep
  • Illness - being sick, or fighting off illness, can make you feel run down and unwell
  • Hormonal changes in females during your menstrual cycle can make you feel crap. This may happen a few days before you get your period and you may not make the connection immediately.

As you can see it's not all of it, it's a few of those reasons. I'm not going to go into detail into that but yeh. I'm going to admit it. I FEEL CRAP. And the only thing I can do about it which will work is to express my feelings, but that will cause me to feel more crap and make the whole everything worse. So i will just deal with it and keep my mouth shut. My happiness doesn't matter, just as long as everyone elses is fine.

And just to get things straight now, I'm not emo. I don't fucking cut myself or even listen to emo music. I don't even dress emo. So fuck off. I'm not fucking emo.

Must finish this.

laters,.
;]

p.s.

WORD FEELING OF THE DAY:
"CRAP"

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

with sister.

I wonder everyday, when and how. But I know I'll never have the courage to. I just wished that I could push everyone away and I'd have no feeling of hurt and pain...

Why can't you leave me alone
and let me live my life
without the pain that
you are bringing upon me.


Today I didn't feel as lively as I was yesterday. Not that I was lively yesterday, but at least I could show SOME enthusiasm. To summarise up today:
Roll call was quick, probably because it was Wednesday.
First period was maths and it was quite random because half way through the lesson the teacher talks about his son but the whole point of the story was about his daughter-in-law and how she's a real good musician (btw look her up on youtube: Jess Chalker) and that she's performing with all these famous people.
Recess, bought another friggin muffin. Fudge imma get so fat again :( But i just can't help it. And the worst thing is no one will admit it to me that I am in fact really fat. Stupid, gay people.
Secons period was commerce and it was so boring. I would have fallen asleep but I really wasn't in the mood to get in trouble at that moment. And we have homework. Shoot.
During lunch I played basketball with Jasmine, Devesh, Pavan, Siddarth and this year 9 guy who left when we were about to start the game. It was pretty fun I fail, cause I suck. Didn't even get one shot in which is shameful for me because my dad is good and all that and i'm just this failure kid. Laugh Out Loud !
Sport yey, it was really fun. Well for like the first couple of minutes or saw. Then the excitement just died and I gave up. Couldn't even pretend to laugh from the gayness of it and the lack of effort people had put and my sleepyness. At least being the captain of the team, I was a major fail. I still managed to get some shots in, which i pretty much thought was a fluke because thos shots I didn't expect to get in. Yada, yada. Sport finished. I really wanted to go home, OH and HIMMAT, he slapped me! Well i did ask for it. HAHA. Me is loser.
After school had to go officeworks, was with sister. It wasn't that bad. Had a small fight then resolved it by buying Subway cookies. Then on the train Himmat, Shirine etc. was there so it wasn't that bad.
Arrived home. Decided ooh, I want to dye my hair again. So I did. Man this better be more obvious than the other one. It cost me $10.95 man. And I just got money from dad.
I fail. Cause I'm a failure. No doubt about that.

later lovelies,..

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