FFFFFF

Fuck school
fuck this assignment
fuck everything
fuck you.


For some reason I can't seem to control my emotions. I swear if this is the pills then I am indeed in deep shit, but it's just too fucking much. I leave the house, ecstatic, lively, happy and I come back crying to myself, for who knows what reason. I just find it too... I don't know I suppose random.

Anyways I have an Engineering assignment to do, it's due tomorrow. I'm nearly finished so might as well get it done now.

Also I thought the first day of school was good. Got home, and then realised how shit it really was.

LOL jk.

too bad it wasn't april fool's day.
but it was a great day
:)


im weird.

Don't.

There comes a time when you realise all that you have done wrong and how you truly regret those mistakes that you know you will never repeat. Yet somehow we manage to fool ourselves and believe that the things we do our right and forget that we've ever done them and lose sight of what we really need to do and begin focusing on what we want.

no more lies.

no more hatred.

no more backstabbing.

no nothing.

To move forward we must first believe that we are capable of doing so and this is a step we all must take.

I've been blogging quite late recently. Oh my :/

Here goes.

People like O to the M to the G.
LIKE FMGOSSHHHH!
how can you be like that.
must we tell you word for word
can't you just see for yourself
what you're doing
and that it ain't right.

how people get pissed off
at the things you do
at the things you don't do
and how you do those things
seriously !!! FMMMGGGGOSH !
it's not effing right.
it's not in black and white.

do you need instructions
on how to live a life
that people are happy with
and not always annoyed at
or is it because your too thick
i really don't know
but gawd. FUUUUDDGEE !

im so glad about this week
kinda. yes, actually i am
i don't know why but i just am
and that's a good thing
right ? or write?
LAWL. get it, cause i wrote it.
HAHAH.

damn you !
you're so unfair to everyone...

i love my friends :D


or maybe i don't.
you never really know.
but jasmine does.
hehe. get it ?
haha. another lame and dry joke
wait no it's not.
it's raining.
:P

We All Want Something

CLICK TO ENLARGE


Firstly I found this picture a while ago. I was planning to put it up but I guess I never got around to it and I suppose now would be a good time. So yeah.

Next thing on the agenda it's

LARA's BIRTHDAY today.
along with Kuya Bon's
but neither of these birthdays did I have a chance to celebrate with them because of personal reasons. Happy Birthday to you both.

I feel good. I donated blood today. A total of 400mL. AHHAHA. I was really oh so very anxious but there was actually just a little pinch but apart from that all good. The thing is we get a free milkshake afterwards and I was really looking forward to it but like I went to the Refreshments room and got my milkshake. I sat down had a sip. The I closed my eyes next thing I know I had really bad leg cramps and I was lying on the ground and one of the ladies was picking me up. What happened in between I have no idea but obviously it wasn't good. I didn't get to have the rest of my milkshake and they made me lie down for a whole hour so they didn't let me go back to school. Apart from that the other guy was the one who saw me fall down and I probably looked like the biggest idiot. Damn. Who cares. I donated blood and I want to do it again. They ended up taking me home.

I thought this was a good time to just express my self but I'm starting to get a bit of a headache so I think I'll just take it easy. Nah I'll do it now, because I'm not sleepy yet.

People damn you all. You know how pissed off I get, and really easily too. Like I don't expect you to do what I want but sometimes can't you just see that I exist and I would like to be happy too you know. It's just not fair. And this is too all of you again stop acting like you know everything because seriously if you knew everything you wouldn't be at this school. So if you're going to tell me something because you think you know it or assume that I don't already know or just want to tell me but it has no sense whatsoever then think again because I extremely don't like it. I'm a hypocrite but at least I don't always do it. Many people do it and that's what pisses me off a lot. When it's done too much. Another thing, I believe that in a friendship there should be trust between the people within that relationship but like lately I haven't been seeing it and it's questioned my friendship with everyone and every single person in the whole entire world beccause something's not right. Maybe I woke up on the wrong side of the bed but then again there's only one way out of my bed. Maybe I fainted. And just lost sense of everything. Whatever it may be I know that something isn't right and it's bugging me so much. I just want to tell everyone off right now. Telling them what to do because lately no one seems to know what they're doing. I for one have an idea because I notice these things. I just wish everyone else does. sigH*

LASTLY: to all the couples out there. I think you know who you are. Well because it's pretty clear that to be a couple you have to have a partner of either the opposite OR the same sex of whom you share an attraction towards one another. I really truly do NOT like it when you make out in public. Not exactly that but when you're doing it right in front of me. If you want to shove your tongues down each other's throats in front of me you may as well have sex in front of me. I find it really disturbing maybe because I haven't matured yet but please have the consideration to just not make out in front of me. I do my best to avoid watching these things in movies and tv shows etc. but real life people still manage to do it in front of me. So again I'd greatly appreciate it if you didn't.

you stupid people you just dont get it do you. when everything is perfectly fine you ask me what's wrong with me yet when I'm not with it you seem to manage to ignore such problems and that's so stupid. like right now I feel weak. not physically but emotionally. maybe seeing that i can't handle things well compared to other has opened my eyes to who I really am and like i've kinda seen things differently but in a way the same as before. the little things are now more obvious to me and i don't know. seriously if you ask someone a question and they tell you an answer once is enough. maybe twice but no more because what do you expect the person to do. suddenly come to a change of mind because you won't stop hassling them. that's stupid. let people be. if that's what they want let them. you can't and shouldn't do that. it's their fucking life. gawd.

extremely moody although i don't have my periods yet...

i'm starting to feel faint yet again.
GOODBYE

I Can Do You Like That, That, That

We all know that today was the first day back to school. I expected it to be quiet and not as joyful. At a few times this was the case but then again, on days when everyone is there those 'moments' occur too. Especially if you're me. Today was also my first day in SRC. I don't know if I should be writing it here but this is how I feel and thought. At first I thought SRC would be a great and fun experience and have the chance to represent my grade etc. Once I did get the position I started feeling regretful because I didn't quite expect to receive a position as such. It wasn't right and I don't like it when things aren't right. I don't know. I don't think this is the right time to say it and I will leave it for later. Gosh, I feel so stupid today. Not just because of this but nothing would register and I found myself just staring at the wall or the ground or whatever and whenever people spoke to me I would just be in a world of my own. I was hopeless and I really did not like it. No more gay things. Today was good. People, leave me alone, seriously, let me do what I WANT to do.

Something came to mind when I read Exclamation Mark's blog. The one from the 14th. I didn't like it. Not as in it was a bad thing but it was more of a sad thing. But as I was told it's a person's blog and they should be able to express their own feelings. Well this is how I feel. Some people may look like they're taking their life and family for granted but inside it worries them shit. Because for me I try not to think about death and death altogether because it's not a funny topic. The thought of that happening to my family is sad and I don't want to talk about it. But I just want to make the most of now. The time I have with them. The time when I can be happy and have no worries because one day I will have worries but I don't want to waste this time. I just want to feel good and satisfied and lucky, lucky to have all that I have. Why make more problems when there's enough problems out there. AAAHhh, I've overdone it again. Stuff it.

GOODBYE.

1.08AM

So here's the update. I've completed my layout, for now. I'll try to keep things simple at the moment. Hopefully next week I'll have extra time to make a new layout because this one will get boring and it doesn't have enough extras and so on. As far as I know I feel great but the thought of school shits me hard and the footsteps I'm hearing because I'm not meant to be up this late. Not that it is late because I usually sleep at two. Anyways I'll keep this to a minimum, look at this pic I edited. I did at lot of things actually.

- cropped

- took a woman out of the background

- made my face smaller

- removed my imperfections

- added the text

- enhanced the images

people watch this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fXKH5zgG8PA

Smack*

Someone's been naughty...

All those things I've done. It's not revenge and it's not because I'm one of those people who get a kick out of doing those things. It's because it's what I want to do and no one can tell me to stop it even if it's not the right thing to do. Judge me, treat me like shit, do that and I won't give a damn what you say or do because it's my fucking life so leave me the fuck alone.

Am I Monster

I thought I was ok.
But everytime, everytime I hear it,
it hurts.

And I just wish that it would disappear...

watching monster vs. aliens ^^

Deep Breath

I feel like an extra.

maybe the gum
but extra.
not fitting in anywhere
but just being there.

continue later.

Unfair

THIS IS UNECESSARY!



This is what I get for telling someone I like them. The feeling of unworthiness and just not good enough. Do I not deserve to be happy? What did I do wrong to receive this? Sometimes I wish that I never went to Australia. Now I have double the problems I had before. At least I expected it, but everytime I read it and think about it...I still have the same reaction that same feeling of being unwanted.

I know what it reminds me of now. You know how in movies, just before people die they say their life flashes before them. This is similar to what is happening to me. All those good times we had, I keep seeing it and it just makes me sad becaseu I know I've ruined that and I also know that things won't be the same ever again. Now matter how hard he tries or anyone else because I know how stubborn I am.

This is the first thing that comes to mind: shit. Seriously, there's no point in those (i forgot) now. He was the reason I could stay happy and stay normal but without him there's nothing that can keep me together and you know how stupid I feel now very. I need a new blog. People know thise one and anyone can read it. Gosh! I want to cry. I am sad. I really am and I just want to cry. And I'm not ok. Just, just don't ask me why. Aaargh. Now I want to scream. On top of all that I'm fat and that doesn't help anything. Aaargh. Stupid me. I'm a fat loser who always get rejected by everyone. I mean I don't mind where I am now but I'm not happy. Not completely anway. I know that people can't have everything they want but I would sacri... No, I wouldn't because I know I still wouldn't get what I want. I should just stop wasting my time.

I am now alone, and that I'm sure of.

SkypeMe!

Ok well seriously people. I have Skype right and what a big mistak it was. Well not mistake. I'm actually enjoying speaking to them. There's two guys:


Daniel:

• 35year old
• 185cm
• short dark hair
• dark brown eyes
• Danish
• horny

Yousef:

• 19 year old
• 179cm
• short dark hair
• dark eyes
• fair skin
• algerian
• likes football
• and writing messages of love

I showed them this picture right and Daniel thinks I'm a hot sexy chick or something like that. HAHAH. I'm such a retard.

My Hair's Wet

I realised that tomorrow is Monday. Yeah, I know, oh my god right. Ha, no, I'm just saying that the past week has been so relaxing for me with no school work to do and all that stuff but now I can just tell I'm in week of a rollercoaster ride with its ups and downs. I know what to expect, but how I'm going to handle it is a totally different thing. If only I was a real person. That's not right. I am a real person. I'm utterly confused right now. I'm in the middle of everything when I just want to be in a space of my own nothingness.

ARGH

------------------

I keep saying:

'I swear...'
-----------------

And it's bugging me so much. People know that there are couples everywhere. Most of these couples are my friends. Either one half of the couple or the whole thing. To tell you the truth, it's gay. It's stupid and I don't like it. I'm such a bitch but who gives a fuck. I obviously don't. I should ask my dad to change schools. But then he'll ask why. So I'm just gonna have to put up with all this rubbish.

Maybe, just maybe. I have an illness. You know those ones where people are insane. The people who surround me just wont tell me because their pitying me and they don't want me to start going insane in front of them and be embarrassed. Yeah. That's what's the problem with me. HAHA. I'm ill. HEHE.

I now DON'T want to go back to school.

It's Coming.

I don't really have much to say. I did like today but that's not my problem. I only have a limited amount time to be in this computer right now so I'm shit scared and therefore I'm off.

Events of today:

- PE and distractions. Can't forget that. !

HAHAHAHA.

laters,.

;]