Alone

I'm so exhausted. I know why. It's because I stayed up late last night talking to the one person who I manage to be able to say anything to and relates to it and jokes about it and is just so nice to talk to. That and because of my new and surprising daily routine, and because of this he now owes me, BIG TIME.

Yes, I know I should be studying for my Engineering exam. I don't feel confident nor do I think that I know what I will do tomorrow but I do know that if I just think everything carefully through I can get it done and manage to pass like the 3928487562034 tests that we've done in the past. Plus writing in my blog always seems to help me refocus when I return to studying. And I like to get distracted, it happens quite often but at least it's better than constantly straining my brain on something that I don't even understand. Man, I love this subject. I knew it was the right thing to do to keep it. Am I weird that way, liking a subject which I don't do well in but still enjoy it. Whatever.

So news update. I'm home alone again. This is becoming a reccuring event which I don't particularly like. I've had so many opportunities to have people over yet no one will come over. PEOPLE, I BITE, but it doesn't necessarily mean that it'll hurt. And now because I felt like it, I got myself a cup of wine, like 10mL of wine diluted in a litre of apple and blackcurrant juice and it's still so disgusting. How am I gonna be able to drink when I'm older D: which is fast approaching. I feel like puking. Am I stupid or what.

Apart from distraction, the whole point of this blog entry is to just rave on about people's poor sense of uniqueness or their timing. There's quite a lot of people who do it and I must admit I myself am a culprit of this. But like sometimes in this world people copy each other and maybe because it's a good thing but other times it's just our desire and what not, people where is your SENSE OF INDIVIDUALITY, we were made to be different yet some of us just choose to copy others. What is wrong with you. I've separated myself from others to not fall in the trap of conforming to society and allowing myself to explore the world and surroundings by doing things how I want to and whenever I want to. Now if you think about it, it is kinda selfish but it's allowing you to take advantage of the life you were giving. Live your life for goodness sakes.

I apologize for overreacting, I think it was just from a post I read and from a picture I saw. People these days, well some you kinda just expect better. But I've learned to accept the fact that I AM nearly 18 and that I should grow up and be mature and not worry about little things like that. There are bigger problems in today's society and I shouldn't let insignificant people hold me back from doing what I want to do.

I am also listening to: Today my Life Begins by Bruno Mars because titface told me to listen to it. It is soothing and sweet actually. It's my kinda of song.

I guess this can be my motivation. Once these exams are over I'm gonna start over and let my life begin to a better and good one. One where I have him in it and one where I'm happy and carefree.

I'm weird. My posts are weird. What the freak is wrong with me. I guess I'm just lovesick. I'm also aging. I'm starting to see wrinkles and uneven skin tone and the 7 signs of aging. I think I should go buy Olay now. I can't have this happening to me, I need to be vibrant and lovely and edible, most of which I'm not. I'm so superficial that I care so much about my looks and wanna cry about it now. If that was true I'd probably crying right now but it's now. But I am aging. I've just realised how freaking close my birthday is. It's in less than 60 days. LESS THAN 60 DAYS, wait. I shall count how long away it is. 54 DAYS AWAY, you know how unsoon that is. But i've been waiting 17 years and 311 days for this day and it's fast approaching. After this, I'm gonna be an ADULT, a real life ADULT. I just don't see it happening. Yeah if I had a car I wouldnt be complaining about it this much.

laters bychezzzz

tuesday :(

TUESDAY :(
another day gone passed of my very lifeless life.
Today, for once I was actually quite happy to go to school only because I was looking forward to the dance class we were going to have in our PE lesson. But the day didn't seem to live up to my expectations.

It began with Italian and receving the results of the "non-test" we had done the previous lesson. And to my dissapointment I had done better than I thought I would do, which I clearly didn't want to do. Afterwards was English and I wouldn't have to put up much with it because halfway through I would have to go to Peer Support. Getting to Peer Support I was just thinking and arriving there seeing the faces of the annoying little kids seem to had made me smile. The lesson was fun. Even though no one had listen. But who ever does ?

Finally it was PE and I got to dance. It was really fun and most people lacked enthusiasm. The white guys of course enjoyed it and so did my very tall friend. Dancing to the steps of the dances did have a downside, pain. But in the end I guess it was worth it.

Last period was Science. I thought, OH GREAT. I knew that this was not going to be fun. And I was sure of it. I was sitting along with my guy friends because I thought it might be a god change. But soon after the teacher comes along and asks Do you have any friends in this class? I kinda felt offended because I may have not been talking to anyone but it does not mean I'm some BIG TIME loser. This kinda made me really angry. So I turned to my music for some help. Again the teacher comes along and this time he's like stop wasting your time with music. What the hell was that suppose to mean. I have no friends because I listen to music too much? Finally one of my chick friends came along and the teacher didn't speak to me again.

After school I'd forgotten my sport uniform in my locker and so I got it. On the way back I saw my friend, A, and just stood there watching him. A few minutes later my friend, B, comes along and asks me what I was doing there. I told her I saw A so I just stood here and I'm also listening to music. Then she assumes the worst and says Do you like A? And I was like NO. But she never believes me. Plus there's already a D in my life. LOL, not yet. But I'm working on it.

Now I'm here sitting on my chair and pigging out on pizza. And I wonder why I'm so fat.
Anyways Laters,..