Breath of Fresh Air

I think for once I'm able to feel free and not chained and held back by any force. I know that for once I didn't do anything wrong. Which is nice. And I'm finally able to see the light. Oh lol I don't know what I'm talking about. But on the bright side I woke up feeling refreshed and somewhat relieved. I don't think I've had a dream that good in a while which is astonishing considering misery has befallen on me lately.

Whatever. I still have the same attitude towards life but for the time being I'm going to allow myself to enjoy it. At least this way nothing can hold me back from my true desires. Or anything really.

For those few of you who read this, I apologize for this insane post. I don't even know what I'm going on about myself so I would believe that this is the same for yourself but rather you're are all alot more confused than I am.

Have to study now, sadly.

Insane 2

I might be into S&M. Is that weird?

Numb

It has been a while.

Many things have happened since my last post, which probably means I need to post more often but takes too much effort really, for no one to read in the end so what's the point. Aside from something to read in the future of course. And I'm surprised no one has found this blog considering it is public but that may be due to my constant changing of the url which I don't actually know what it is anymore.

So moving on, I died my hair again. More accurately I got it done at the salon, full head of foils and so I'm now half blonde. I'm halfway with it considering not many people like it or complimented me on it. They just stare at me for a second and start talking about something else which I think means that they don't like it. However, recently I've been actually trying to try and bother styling my hair and I'm kinda liking it now. I think it's just everyone's attitude towards me that's causing me to feel like this towards myself. Which shouldn't really affect me cause F em.

On a much warmer note, it actually feels like summer now. Or at least spring so I've taken this opportunity to constantly go to the beach, cause why not? And here are just some photos which we're taken. (Still fatlol)

sis, moi and cuz @ Bondi

wasn't at the beach but hey they're my bestfsss ♥

Aside from the beach, I don't think that I've been living my life to the potential. Maybe because I'm allowing others to control my life and thus not furthering my networks and what not but I'm constantly feeling sad and alone and all that kind of emotion. It's probably because I was PMS-ing but I also know the other reason. I guess I just wished that you had more courtesy towards me, or at least my feelings. I don't think I've put as much effort as I have in our friendship compared to others and for some reason this is how I'm treated. Maybe it's by accident but still, I feel neglected. Rejected? Yes, rejected. I thought that the Jasmine who always got rejected was left behind in high school. But it seems that this feeling has come back and I have no choice but to suck it up and move on because I'm afraid that if I start making a big deal out of it or telling someone I will just burden them or become a drama queen which I don't like seeing on others and especially not myself. I've just left it at that I guess. There's nothing between us. There never was. Fuar, it just seems like I wasted my time again though. I keep making the same mistake and I never seem to learn. And in the end I'm the one who's hurt. Like I'm being punished for not listening to the people around me who told me this and that yet I persistantly believe that for once I'm making the right decision. Well, Jasmine, you're not. So grow up.

Less rant more happy bloggy stuff. Got mid-sem marks back as well as my MPO assignment. I've managed to pass all of them, some barely (ACCOUNTING) but overall I'm content considering the amount of effort which went into those assessments. For some reason it's not getting to my head that I need to get my act together and start focusing on my education, cause honestly it's all I've got right now. That and work. What even is a social life. I mean it's not existing for me really. My friends are all busy. My other "friends" don't even speak to me. And I struggle making friends as it is. My self esteem is at it's all time low and I'm just relying on my make up and dressing skills to cheer myself up and at least make myself feel beautiful or somewhat like that. So yeah, uni. Not really motivated but I'm putting more effort into that now. I guess.

And my all time fave, I'm seeing him on Saturday. I think? I hope so. I'm kinda excited. Haven't seen him in a while and well he really has been there for me all the time. I just chose to ignore because sometimes he pissed me off (but then who doesn't, right?). I'm kinda hoping to spend the whole afternoon with him and then have dinner but I'm so worried that I won't be able to enjoy my day for some unforeseen reasons but I'm still looking forward to it.

Lastly, my arm is numb. Like numb. I got Implanon inserted in my arm and well they put in anasthesia (ceebs dictionary) and she said it takes a few seconds to take affect but like it was affecting me yet and she cut my arm and put it in and stung like OMG but then lucky the anasthesia did kick in and now my arm is just numb. Then stupid me decided to transfer the rain water to the other tank, manually, one bucket at a time and now my arm feels really weak. Plus I have like a bandage on it so I full had to work out what clothes I was going to wear otherwise my mum would've asked me WTF is that and WTF. It would not have ended well...

To summarise, everything around me is pretty hectic aside from myself which is stationary and boring and lifeless and honestly, I just have no motivation to do anything, well because I just don't. People suck. People suck because they don't realise they hurt my feelings even though I've told them how sensitive I am. And I'm not even overreacting. I have some patience, but after a while, why wait?

In the end you're just going to be alone anyway.

Zaboob.

It's Lara's birthday today. 

Gosh, I love that girl. A picture speaks a thousand words, I guess these would be a million.

Fifty Shades

So at the moment, I've been reading Fifty Shades of Grey to conform with society. Actually I wasn't intending to do so it just so happens that everyone has been talking about it and I simply wanted to know what the hype was all about. So I wiki-ed it. And under the category Genre it had erotic fiction. Then I was in. Personally I think that the book is alright. It's written well, but for me the main reason I AM reading it is for the erotic fiction part. Maybe the romance, which at the moment lacks thereof so yes, just the erotic fiction.

Over the past weeks, or even months since I've written heaps of major, not really have occured and as much as I would love to go in detail I've lost the bother to do so. Instead I will upload pictures from these events.

Celebrating Tin's 18th :D

First time at Zumbo Dessert Train ♥

Parent's 20th Anniversary

Winning big for a first time gambler :P

Birthday week with closest friends.

Clubbing for my 19th & Tin's 18th

First froyo @ Noggi with a groupi!

Jasmine^2

End of first ever uni exams!

Ausralia vs. New Zealand: European Handball

Tita Mayet's 50th Birthday

Chilling the best biatch

Black Party Cruise '12

Toohey's Open Day

As you can see, it's been pretty eventful and I like that. I also got to sleepover a guy's house for the first time in my life ever! Although it just lead to disappointment. Or more that there was way too much hype for such miniscule thing. Meh, I liked it.

That's all...for now.

University

So Uni has started and it's been okay, I suppose. Can't really complain...

I will, however complain about two guys.

1. I'm over you, you're in the past. Yet for some reason, I still cry because of you.
2. LOL, we're not together but people think we're a couple. Maybe you should stop acting like we're a couple even if you don't mean to, THAT and we need to stop seeing each other every other day. TOO MUCH LOL

That's all. Had a pretty good February though. I'm glad. Added the picture cause I thought it'd be nice.  ♥

Random Again

Haven't posted recently but here's something I want to delete this from my phone and this is all I could be botehred typing up.

Text Messages with Sumeet

S: hey beautiful,i am gonna go to sleep now.hope you aresleeping well.just thought i should tell you that i am thinking of you and thati love you very very much

J: Magic signal number
aka msn.

S: Hey beautiful :) keep studying.I have to go out to thisHSC seminar thing.starts at 4.15 dunno for how long.leavin now.I'll get on msnlater.bye bye *kiss* imy

J: HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY BABY! Okay I proly should havewritten it before 12 so that it could be sent at 12, doesn't matter. I'd beatyou anyway (omgosh, i'm sorry if i act like everythings a game to me; it makeslife so much more interesting for me) but anyway i love you and i wish this isthe message you wake up to. I can't wait to see you later today. I'll have afew surprises for you, I HOPE haha. But yeah. You know you're my first realperson valentine i guess that's why it's a semi big deal for me PLUS i likewrapping things, with rubber :p yeah i should stop talking and go to sleep.HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY again. I love you Sumeet and only you. <3

S: Hey beautiful.I woke up to your message & have tosay,you really know how to kill me from the inside.I love u soo much babe,ur myeverything.happy valentines:)

S: What's the thank you for? I ate the
fairy floss,mmm yummy like u.thank
u for it.&helium.do it. :D

S: Fuck, nearly stacked it in the shower lol. Wonder y? :PGoing to sleep now.sry.cant help thinkin of u

J: Why do you like me so much?

S: It’s okay jasmine. & I like u coz u r nice,loving,care so much about me, make me feel very special & happy so I want to dothe same for u etc :) y u asking that?

J: Because I can and I want to know.

S: Is there anything wrong if I like u so much?&I justdo, don’t have many reasons,but I really like u:)

S: How do you start a Jewish Marathon?Roll a penny down ahill. Lol better be readin this in the morning:)

J: She gets home when I start studying math. WOW

S: Cmon keep going.in the name of maths.wooo turnin me on:P& u make it sound like u came home when u were fapping haha. Playing stickcricket in chem. :D fun

S; Good morning gorgeous. WE managed to make yesterday goodafter all.Lead by the captain of the boat itself *salute*Capt’n slow:P thank uas well babe.fah miss u

S: Jasmineee I love you soo muchhh.please stop checking outcars haha.I want u to check me out,wait no I have to pee, check me out later.Imiss you too babe :)

J: Im sorry for giving you such a bad week. I don’t evenhave my period. :p

J: Black swan? Aha

S:Haha woops.forgot it.its ur fault.I remembered my bit on96kisses,just didn’t ask for em.on Monday:)

S: Good morning prettybum.my mum has the car till 12,so I’llcome to ur house around1?is that okay?

J:Nah its too late everyone wil be home we wont get anystudy done

S:Everyone was gonna be home by 11.30anyway.it’ll be thesame.If not ur house how bout st marys lib?

J: Just come to my house then. St marys library not thatgreat.

S: woops.fell asleep.wakin up now :P dw I WONT WEARANYTHING(that u gave me,damn) cya around 1.miss u

J: You know what was weird. When the principal wasinterviewing me I had no panties and I was sitting across him. I had to makesure I didn’t open my legs. But yeah :P

S:wake up wake up wake up prettybume :) goodmorning.I lovehow u can make me feel so good. Miss u babe

J: Natalie portmans on the tv :D

S:u makeme feel good coz u’re a good girl aha.angel u dasexy.oh, might wanna read offliners on msn.

J: *massive rant that I cbf typing*

S: jasmine u r my everything. Just wanted u to wake up to amessage that made u smile.hope this worked :)

S: My head hurts.i miss u.the class is so noisy. I don’tfeel like doing work. I’m sleepy.I wanna touch u.I want u to hold me.I want uto kiss me. I want u babe imy

S: I freakin love u jasmine.oh the things I wanna do to u:)get out of my head,for a millisecond.please

S: LOL someone had fun:P & no u didn’t ruinanything.same for u,I get horny because of u soo many times. & lastlyjasmine, u mean more to me than anything else, ily

S: Lesson 1:how to take advantage when jas has no credit.‘hellooo if u don’t reply that means u owe me 5 kisses & head:D’ muhahah.Ireally miss u babe mwah

S: Hey, you’re the most amazing girl ever:) & I feel badfor hitting u earlier.I’m sorry.I love u heaps.If u don’t reply that means ulove me & I owe u kisses

S: 23/2/11 ;)

S: Damn I can’t be evil & be like if don’t reply blahblah, Coz u have the other phone.but (sexy butt :) I love u sooo much,u make meso happy.had a great time :)

S: I like water heaps,that means I do like u heaps,but only75%.That’s why 85 90 74, 100.69% :) I’ll be waiting at the library at lunch.Cya sexybum

S: sucks I’m not with u. hope you’re sleeping…look like suchan angel when u lie next to me.i love u

S: Hey beautiful.guess what-ur my gf hehe. Sucks for ueh,stuck with me.but I’m so lucky to call u mine

S: Duuude first time I wanked on train :D

Lol nah I did some chem. :P
I miss u prettybum
Msn after 10

S: Coming in late today. Aww man alarm woke me up,bodyaches, so hungry. Can’t wait to eat u :)

I've deleted the rest so I guess that's all left from the past. I also saw the photographers from formal and the pictures they took. They were alright, I think it's just cause I ruined my own night by not allowing myself to have fun, but no worries from now on FUN is my middle name :D

I'm sorry ready to move forward. And after receiving results I've realized that I was way too distracted this year and now I need to focus on what's important. Still having fun ofc now I'm just super excited that HSC is all over. Completely. Done. Nada. Over. Woo :D

More stuff.

I want to be able to give myself a fresh start which includes removing this. I guess Blogger is the only safe place I can put it where I know in the future I'll be able to look back at all the things which has happened in the past. I sound like a massive tool but like anyone cares.

Sunbae

That means, older male friend or classmate? Doesn't really matter, just needed a nice sounding title.

Anyways in the TV show they say stuff like:

Ano ka ba, nakakainis ka. Akala mo madali lang ito kaso ang hirap, hirap talaga. Palagi ako nag-hihintay sayo kaso ikaw lang gusto mo lang gawin kung anuman hindi mo iniisip yung ibang tao. Dapat okay lang kung ibang tao ako kaso nga lang ako ito. Hindi na ba ako importante sayo. Ano ka ba.

Yeah overall it was a pretty great show. Even though I've watched it twice already.

Ji Hoo is cuter with short hair.

I've missed you.

Really need to get that out of my system. 

Can't help it though if the guy says it.

Karma

"In popular usage in the West, karma is thought of simply as the good and bad things that happen to a person, a little like good and bad luck. - The literal meaning of the Sanskrit word karma is 'action', but karma as a religious concept is concerned not with just any actions but with actions of particular kind."

I was just reading Buddhist sexual ethics and found this profound and interesting.

HSC next week, there's no point in me ranting about it since probably every other HSC student already has, I mean WE GET IT, were all going through the same thing, you're no different from anyone else. Although if I was different, a good different that is, it would be nice, I would be unique...and I wouldn't be just another sheep duplicating everyones actions, thoughts and movements.

There's a lot going through my mind right now but I just want to be able to set it aside for a few weeks and focus on HSC. I do not need additional stress, I need to relax. I need to enjoy life and I need to do these exams. I cannot wait for the year to end. I cannot wait for New Year's Eve where I'll finally get a chance to set myself free. Heck I don't even need no party. I just want to be able to make my own decision and not to be forced to do things I clearly don't enjoy. I want to have fun with my life, with no trouble just excitement. And it begins next week. The exhilarating feeling which runs through your blood while doing an exam knowing that this can make or break you for the real world.

This is deep stuff. It feels like I got a knife and cut myself deep, releasing emotions suppressed in my body, my blood.

I can smell the fresh air, the sun, gazing straight at me as I lie on the green grass.

Us

I feel like crying.

No, I don't feel like crying. I feel like being with Sumeet right now. The past week has been pretty shit and empty, mainly because he wasn't there and made me feel complete. Yeah, as lame as it sounds, he truly does complete me, is what I think anyway.

Present: Take 2

So the one on Tumblr was pretty lame and so I've decided to simplify it and just get straight to the point. Hope you like.

Lack of Significance

So I've just had two English exams and a Chemistry exams so I thought I'd put my great english skills to use on this blog. Also exams are past so why is there a need to even talk about it. Basically I'm home right now and I have 3 days off school and I am contemplating on whethere I should study or not and how much will it really entertain me and will I actually be learning studying or wasting time studying. So with that in mind I'm simply deduced the possibilities and decided that I would just waste my time altogether because a forensic chemist it's my job to find evidence then deduce it so I can find if I'm guilty or not. Aha I sound so lame, on top of that it didn't even make sense one bit.

So

I've decided, that to make my boyfriend happy I need to be nicer, not just to him but everyone else. So I'm gonna put more effort in not being a bitch and keeping my mouth shut.

That's all.

Overall a pretty great first week of school, even though IT IS school and it just means that Trials is fast approacing and it's kinda giving me the shits. Not really. I don't think I worded that properly.

My conclusion is, trials is coming soon. FUCK ME.

Dear blog followers:

If you don't like what you see then why do you keep coming back.

On a side note:
I LOVE SUMEET

Yes!

How lovely.
It's not even afternoon yet and my day is already ruined.


whatever.

I love my boyfriend

I've had a pretty good couple of days. I think last night was actually really good. Good for a long time. And today was so good. Actually got some sort of study completed and also shopping AND FOOD. I mean isn't that just amazing. (Me mouthing words, WITH EMPHASIS, like a loser :P) But yes. And macaroons,.. the ones from Cupcakes on Pitt taste the same. Like they have "different" flavours, but when it comes to actually eating it, it has the same taste. OH WELL, still pretty good.

LOVEYOU DOUCHE.
♥

I feel like the world's on top of me.

I should close my legs.

No, I feel stressed and extremely tired.
That's all.
I really need comfort food. But how am I suppose to eat ice cream if I'm sick.
Yeah...comfort food.

COMFORT FOOD

or any food really, just the one that won't make me sick.

I LOVE FOOD

And sumeet, and my family.
I think that's as far as the love goes.

People often ask why I don't like people or my grade or people. I have pretty much not lost respect but I have just lost the bother to care because they themself  don't have the respect for me. I mean, I'm a fucking chick. Have the courtesy to be nice at least or not rude maybe... I think I'm just extremely tired and need to release. Oh btw babe today is DAY 27 or 26, I think. Anyways I should probably talk to you cause like I think the reason I've gone for this long is cause I'm thinking too much, and instead of doing that to get me to sleep, I end up crying myself to sleep which I don't like because I look so fugly in the morning.

Yeah, challenge for you is to break my 26/7 day record. :P

What is today?

Today is saturday, tomorrow is sunday and the day after is SUMEET :)

I hate you bitch and your arms hehe. Anyways I ought to start writing more consistently like everyday so that I know what to write when I'm writing a blog and don't have to think about what to write. Basically, I think I feel in love just that bit more with this guy, or girl. I still don't know what his/her gender is. But like he/she makes me absolutely happy and I really don't know what my life would be like without him/her.

I love you.

Okay, because I'm so cool and magsasalita ako nang tagalog kaso nga lang hindi naman ako marunong pero wala naman magbabasa nito na nagsasalita nang tagalog at yung mahal ko lang naman and sasabihan ko kung anuman talaga an sinabi ko dito, ooh that really didn't make sense but gagawin ko to. Mahal na mahal ko yung lalaki nayon, alam nya...siguro, mahal din nya ako, sana naman. Pag hindi nakakahiya naman, pero an alam ko mahal din nya ako at nakakatuwa kasi xa yung unang lalaki na mabait and malandi (kung yun ang tama na word) pero nakakakilig talaga. Palagi akong ngumingiti kasi masaya xa at ginagawa nya yung tama and gusto and talagan special lang xa.

Oi, fat slut, if you want a trans. of that click this JASMINE'S A FATTER SLUT.

Nothing else to really talk about, I'm kinda happy right now except from all the eating. I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't stop eating now. Like NON STOP. And I was actually starting to lose weight. I swear if this is from all the exercise I've been getting I'm never exercising again :p

Anyways should get my study on laters bychezzz.
STAY FRESH 8D

p.s. i'm gonna do that assesment task for you now on the topic of Jasmine while I can still be bothered writing one. hehe