Numb

It has been a while.

Many things have happened since my last post, which probably means I need to post more often but takes too much effort really, for no one to read in the end so what's the point. Aside from something to read in the future of course. And I'm surprised no one has found this blog considering it is public but that may be due to my constant changing of the url which I don't actually know what it is anymore.

So moving on, I died my hair again. More accurately I got it done at the salon, full head of foils and so I'm now half blonde. I'm halfway with it considering not many people like it or complimented me on it. They just stare at me for a second and start talking about something else which I think means that they don't like it. However, recently I've been actually trying to try and bother styling my hair and I'm kinda liking it now. I think it's just everyone's attitude towards me that's causing me to feel like this towards myself. Which shouldn't really affect me cause F em.

On a much warmer note, it actually feels like summer now. Or at least spring so I've taken this opportunity to constantly go to the beach, cause why not? And here are just some photos which we're taken. (Still fatlol)

sis, moi and cuz @ Bondi

wasn't at the beach but hey they're my bestfsss ♥

Aside from the beach, I don't think that I've been living my life to the potential. Maybe because I'm allowing others to control my life and thus not furthering my networks and what not but I'm constantly feeling sad and alone and all that kind of emotion. It's probably because I was PMS-ing but I also know the other reason. I guess I just wished that you had more courtesy towards me, or at least my feelings. I don't think I've put as much effort as I have in our friendship compared to others and for some reason this is how I'm treated. Maybe it's by accident but still, I feel neglected. Rejected? Yes, rejected. I thought that the Jasmine who always got rejected was left behind in high school. But it seems that this feeling has come back and I have no choice but to suck it up and move on because I'm afraid that if I start making a big deal out of it or telling someone I will just burden them or become a drama queen which I don't like seeing on others and especially not myself. I've just left it at that I guess. There's nothing between us. There never was. Fuar, it just seems like I wasted my time again though. I keep making the same mistake and I never seem to learn. And in the end I'm the one who's hurt. Like I'm being punished for not listening to the people around me who told me this and that yet I persistantly believe that for once I'm making the right decision. Well, Jasmine, you're not. So grow up.

Less rant more happy bloggy stuff. Got mid-sem marks back as well as my MPO assignment. I've managed to pass all of them, some barely (ACCOUNTING) but overall I'm content considering the amount of effort which went into those assessments. For some reason it's not getting to my head that I need to get my act together and start focusing on my education, cause honestly it's all I've got right now. That and work. What even is a social life. I mean it's not existing for me really. My friends are all busy. My other "friends" don't even speak to me. And I struggle making friends as it is. My self esteem is at it's all time low and I'm just relying on my make up and dressing skills to cheer myself up and at least make myself feel beautiful or somewhat like that. So yeah, uni. Not really motivated but I'm putting more effort into that now. I guess.

And my all time fave, I'm seeing him on Saturday. I think? I hope so. I'm kinda excited. Haven't seen him in a while and well he really has been there for me all the time. I just chose to ignore because sometimes he pissed me off (but then who doesn't, right?). I'm kinda hoping to spend the whole afternoon with him and then have dinner but I'm so worried that I won't be able to enjoy my day for some unforeseen reasons but I'm still looking forward to it.

Lastly, my arm is numb. Like numb. I got Implanon inserted in my arm and well they put in anasthesia (ceebs dictionary) and she said it takes a few seconds to take affect but like it was affecting me yet and she cut my arm and put it in and stung like OMG but then lucky the anasthesia did kick in and now my arm is just numb. Then stupid me decided to transfer the rain water to the other tank, manually, one bucket at a time and now my arm feels really weak. Plus I have like a bandage on it so I full had to work out what clothes I was going to wear otherwise my mum would've asked me WTF is that and WTF. It would not have ended well...

To summarise, everything around me is pretty hectic aside from myself which is stationary and boring and lifeless and honestly, I just have no motivation to do anything, well because I just don't. People suck. People suck because they don't realise they hurt my feelings even though I've told them how sensitive I am. And I'm not even overreacting. I have some patience, but after a while, why wait?

In the end you're just going to be alone anyway.

More stuff.

I want to be able to give myself a fresh start which includes removing this. I guess Blogger is the only safe place I can put it where I know in the future I'll be able to look back at all the things which has happened in the past. I sound like a massive tool but like anyone cares.

aargh

I have a boyfriend !
why does he like me so much?!
and so much for a good friend
you know what fuck you!

Christmas Eve

I am pretty sure that I probably will not be online later on today because of my busy schedule and will probably not be on the computer until after 25 hours or so. Which is why I thought blogging now would be a good idea. Anyways over the past few weeks a lot/little has happened and I say that because to everyone else it would seem like a little only but to me it has allowed me a lot of change and well view things a lot differently. Plus my attitude towards things has changed a lot and you probably wouldn't agree with my way of seeing things but what can you do, it's my life.

So today is Christmas Eve. I doubt today will be very busy even though I'd much rather spend it at home with the family cleaning and bumming around on the cold floor trying to cool myself off from the heat rather than spending it with my mother's extended family. Like no offence to them but they bore me. Plus the fact that they don't really care that I exist and only ever realise that I do exist when I've accomplished something greatly, which is pretty low seeing as they are my family. There are a few exceptions in this family, even though my mother would probably disagree with me but she can't control who I can and cannot like. So Christmas Party with the family will be a total waste of my time and I will be looking forward to the Midnight Mass where everyone is quiet and don't have time to ignore me because they have to listen to the mass. I feel so negative seeing things this way but this is how I feel. And being neglected by my own family kinda sucks. Like my family overseas I know how they are and I miss those Christmases with them. They were fun. And they wanted me to be there. And they enjoyed having me there. I guess I'm just asking for too much.

On the bright side, we will be going out to my mother's indian friend's party and well I get to eat indian food, I'm so excited because I really love that naan and I hope that they have Cheese and Garlic so like I will eat that but yeah. Something different from what we usually do. Day after, Christmas we will be going to other family friend's party which I'm quite sure will be a joy. See, those group of people, they treat as more of a family compared to our actual family and I'm thankful for that.

I know what I'm getting for Christmas. I'm kinda excited but not, because I've tried to control my excitedness so that I'm not like super excited for it and counting down they hours and minutes (even though I am anyway for the sake of it). Apart from that present though I suppose it doesn't really matter. I just want two other things that I hope I will get, those are happyness and a boyfriend. Ahahhahaha, happyness yeah, I really want that, and boyfriend...hmmmm, we'll see. I'm not really in the need for one, but whatever, a girl can dream right.

Other things on the agenda is the fact that I miss my buddies who all seem to be in India. Jas, Sukh and Kar, why did you all go there and leave me behind. You all could've brought a piece of me in your luggage and then I couldnt have come along. This way different parts of me will also see different parts of India, hahahaa. But man, I miss you guys so much. And by the way, out of all of you Jasmine is the best because she actually comes online when I'm online and doesn't go on the comp like 10-15 minutes after I've effing left. Goodness me people. I stay up late wating for you guys yet you go online even later. Whatever I still miss you all. I'm excited for the new year...

Which brings me to the next topic: New Year's Resolutions
1. Meet and SEE Karan.
2. Be fit.
3. Stop being so horny and dirty.

I think those are good enough. I'll add more later.


So that's all from me.

Merry Christmas everyone !

blasted

i miss my indian kids :(

S- not again

I have just found discovered something.

JASMINE HAS A NEW CRUSH !!!

lololol. obviously it's someone no one knows (that reads this blog) so that is why it's posted on here. so anyways i was looking through pictures of my friends' formal and well i knew him before...maybe...maybe not...but like he was different before and so was i and i didn't talk to anyone then. BUT now looking at his pics, MY GOODNESS he's so damn fineeeeee. the downside is, he's got a girlfriend, one of my friends from that school. sigh* oh well nothing wrong with looking at pics right.

do i really have to go through camp.
highlight: sleeping where possible.

downlight: not being able to sleep during the day.

could it have been better: wayyyyy better.

how did i feel: like something was missing, because there was.

GOSH-


jasmine you are despicable. stay away from me and your disgustingness. it's not morally right. and just because one believes its right doesnt mean everybody else does BECAUSE not everyone is as awesome as that special person...

aww shucks.
person sick.

and sometimes not knowing something is the best solution.

i vow to keep my cool no matter what.

Yahoo does Answer

ok, this might sound retarded but i read yahoo answers and answer the questions people ask. BUT only because it's like reading FML and MLIA cept you have more of a variety and you know or well, you can tell if they're real stories or not. anyways the point of this blog is my browser is slightly retarded and whenever i go on the site it takes me to yahoo india. how that happened in the first place i dont know. but like i've made two friends of the site both of whom i have not told any personal information but like what really not irritates but makes me wonder is when they assume that i'm indian and they won't believe me that i'm not indian, no offence, i'm just saying what makes me so indian. like really ? i need to spend time with me own kind man. again no offence. just yeh. so yeah that. i'm apparantly indian to randoms. hmmm, not fascinating.



another late blog. 12.43PM


and yesterday on the bus. i saw a bird drop from the sky. nothing had hit it.
how odd.

Going to Watch TV: on iPod

currently throw it in the bag: fabolousft.thedream

I'm going to go watch some TV shows on my iPod but before that I thought I should go on the comp first and write a blog. Actually, that wasn't that plan but it got changed so I thought might as well. A few things, I can't stop smiling. I know I was sad once upon a time yesterday because of Karan but now I'm over it because you never know. Hehe. And would you say that I was jealous of someone who believes to have this thing towards another person. I don't know maybe I'm just thinking too much. Oh no ! Wrinkles. No way man. That's like so unfair. HAHAHA. I just feel so light and happy.

yummy.
i think i might b scary. just a bit. :P
hehe.

i feel bad for the people in manila with the typhoon there. I mean at first I didn't think it was that bad but I don't know how to react to it. Like at times I complain about how I want to be there so much but when disasters like these occur it just makes me appreciate that Australia is like this in the middle of the tectonic plates. HA, see the use of science in that? But yeah. My family is there. And friends too. I want them to be here. Safe and with us. sigh* not everyone gets what they want right?

oh.

karan. why.
at least i never got the chance to meet you
which has kinda made it easier.
but now i'm never ever going to meet you

maybe in when im twenty we find ourselves meeting each other
but psht. anyways. have fun at queensland.
you must show me ur new tan. :P

Full

RIP UNCLE BILL 10-08-09

I'm at tita mayet's house. dont want to say much. just chilling with people and i know that they're all faking it. uncle bill was cool. and heaps nice. we all loved him.

apart from that. yummy food.
nothing else really.
cept today at school was good.
non eventful but good.
stupid gurjot punched me tho.
thats twice now.

takecare.

Onions

I fell asleep. When I woke up I thought it was Friday. How embarassing.

Today was pretty good day. Careers Market. Seriously I don't know why I needed to get so much things but whatever. I have a pile of books now which I plan to read on later when I don't get headaches from reading.

Watch this:

http://vimeo.com/5375317



Being with you makes me happy.

Isn't it great

I've managed to stay off MSN for around a couple of hours now. Which I mean is a great thing. i've started my English thing and everythings AT THIS MOMENT is good. I'm happy. I'm scared though, that as soon as I log on to MSN this mood of mine will slowly disappear and so that's why I've decided not to go on it Just yet.

Work Experience Summary Day 4
Wow, work experience is coming to it's end especially now that I'm actually enjoying it. Why did I choose this date to do so, I know why but sighhhh.

fun: 8
boring: 1
people: 9
stress: 1
work: 1

Much more improvment especially compared to yesterday. Today was even more of a bludge and yeah. And I got to teach them stuff. Well Debbie. She wanted me to show her how to use Photoshop and Windows Movie Maker and I felt so good being able to teach her how to use it because she's 3 times older than me and I knew more than her. Too bad Kate wasn't there today (but she did come at one stage to send something off) so it was really quiet but David (my boss, their boss, THE boss; who really doesn't act like a boss) was singing and whistling and it was funny and random because Debbie was getting annoyed and I couldn't help but laugh. I'm gonna miss them so much. I don't want work experience to stop. I don't want to go back to school. I just like things the way they are now. I guess this can't happen. So yeah. Anyways right now I'm just making their THANK YOU cards. I've personalised each one so that they've been personalised and I really hope that they like the cards because I know I've put effort into them (unlike Deby; who handmakes ALL the cards that they send out). I don't have time to get them presents neither do I have money. I just hope I've put something into their business which has been a good and positive change.

:D

Feeling Horrible

I just want to spend more time with him...










* didn't feel too good today. But at least I looked the exact opposite of that. Thank you people for noticing and giving me compliments because it's so uplifting and makes me feel so much better, really :D.

WE next week. Hoorah