Apology is Not Good Enough

I am unbelievable, yet believable. 

Lol, that was lame but my point is I'm a disgrace and I don't deserve anything good that's been given to me, because all of it is a gift. I don't understand how someone like me, who was taught to grow up to be a pure, chaste young lady turned out to be who I am right now. I've lost my values and morals and I've let loose on everything that I believe in. I have little belief in the things around me. I don't know why but it's insane. I'm insane. I wouldn't be surprised if I end up in a mental hospital one day.

Dear blog followers:

If you don't like what you see then why do you keep coming back.

On a side note:
I LOVE SUMEET

These holidays...

are the worse.
I feel so lonely.
and I'm always bored.

It's like I have no purpose in life and what's the point in me existing.
I'd like to say that I wish I could disappear but I know how upset my parents would be and I wouldn't want to inflict that sort of pain upon them.

my, my, my

oh fudge apple.

everything is all wrong.
this means that EVERYTHING IS NOT RIGHT.
i didn't plan anything
except i had expected things to be different
you know where the princess gets her happy ending


i'm not going to say it again because this topic which i'm thinking of probably has a life of it's own because of its repetitiveness and that well and truly sucks you know. i dont like the idea of me thinking about it but everytime i do it kinda is the right answer although to myself i'm not making any sense. some people are right and some are just plain wrong. they are just selfish and sometimes can't see what a person is going through. maybe if people had tried to open their eyes and saw things the way i do, that way i get hurt and the way i see myself being totally something. this is such a complete waste of my time. but because i dont really have anything worth spending it on this is the most useful way to spend it. i don't even know why i bother sometimes.

towers you effing suck
i dont even know why i'm even doing this,
esp. when i know that i dont have to.

Dear Insecurities

To my old friend. Why have you come back to haunt me. It took me so long to jump the obstacles you put in front of me and the way you made me feel towards myself and everyone else. The hard work I put in just to show everyone that I was ok and that I wasn't on the verge of losing myself, and losing my identity. The stupidity you brought upon me and all those days I would be forced to lock myself in my room to hide myself from the world. Dear, dear friend. Don't let this happen to me once again. Leave, leave while any more damage occurs. Happiness has filled me and for once I know that it's true happiness. Not everything, just happiness.

xoxo.
jasmine.



p.s. stay the fuck out of my fucking life.

Stop Hiding

Last night would have to be one of the best nights I've had in ages. He wasn't what I'd expected and like it was a good thing he was there because the other person just doesn't seemt to care anymore and so I liked it. It was good. Refreshing.

I'm sick of being me sometimes. I overdo things and I can't see how people are feeling and their reactions to what I'm doing and at times I go way over the top. I take things too far and obviously that's not fair to people. Anyways talking to my new found friend (and btw. did you read that, it's just friends. Nothing more nothing less, on my side of the whole thing anyway). He's really nice and kinda reminded me of those times, times when I'd have the person all to myself and no one else in the world existed and you can talk about anything non stop. I'm glad. Too bad today kinda well it wasn't like my previous night. Still great but you know not that best day ever. HAHA. I miss Jensen. Not that I talk to him often. Maybe that's why. Too bad we're seperated by 500km of land and another 300km of oceans and countries. And the fact that we are kinda close. Nothing would ever happen yet I know my parents that if I ever found someone like him they would approve and be happy because he's such a gentleman and knows how to make a woman feel like a damn woman and make her happy.

Happy Birthday Vinori !

Not Right

By now you'd expect things to be normal and perfect and happy. I wish that scenario was the case and I could live happily ever after. But no. At this time, or any time soon I don't think that will be my life. I've grown closer to a lot of people whilst others we seem to part as the days pass by. It's quite sad really because I fail at the whole friendship thing. I can't seem to keep much friends. It's not them, wait. Let me say it like this: It's not you, it's me. HAHA, that's so corny. I remember Jensen and he was asking me for an excuse to tell his now ex-ex girlfriend and me being the retarded idiot I am told him to tell her that. Luckily he didn't listen to me which was probably a good thing.

I'm kinda having thoughts on what, scratch that. I just don't like it. And uhm, well other people are awesome but not everyone is special. No one gets what I mean because I'm confusing so good. But if you do understand what I mean then you get me and no need to tell me and great work.

Really annoyed right now. At school, at people, at life.
it's true. I'm shit at life.

So yesterday right. I told everyone about the Pat and Sandon story. Well that's a lie. I summarised it and practically left out all the feelings and emotion in the story. Here's what really happened.

One fine day after Patrick found out that his true man has left him for some bogan he felt lonely and just couldn't live life anymore. Lucky for him, his bed buddy, Sandon, was there to make him feel better. In his quest he suggested that they play hit a ball with a ball. This required them to throw a ball at each other's balls. At first it was just simple fun and games but soon it turned into an event which everyone began to watch. It was a nailbiting game, many of the shots off the target by a few centimetres. The bags came off everyone was moving in closer to get a greater view, suddenly Sandon's bus arrived and Pat had the last shot. He shoots but Sandon decides to be a chicken and moves when the ball was about to get him. Wow, what an experience.

Stupid People

Firstly I'm not in love with Tomasso. Nor do I found him attractive. It was more of...well I had other things on my mind. Truthfully I wish I was attracted to him. It'd make my life easier. And now I feel so stupid asking him the questions I asked him. Posting it here wouldn't make much of a difference cause everyone already knows.

Tu hai a ragazza? - Do you have a girlfriend?
Come ti chiami? - What's your name?
Prendi mio a Italia? - Take me to Italy?

After those stupid questions I did realise, not that I hadn't realised before but still. I asked better questions, I suppose. I'm annoyed at him. Don't ask why. Next on my agenda is how great today was. Not. Actually maths was fun. Mr Cantlon decided that Maths is boring sitting in the classroom writing all the time, so he made activities for us and the first one was the best because we were outside, in the sun and i was lying down on the grass.

I'm excited for tomorrow and maybe the city2surf. I'm not quite sure but hey, it's too late now. Jasmine here I come. HAHHA.

Things have changed. I don't know if it's me or him but maybe it's the turn of a new leaf and there was never meant to be a me and a him. I don't know. I should just like not think about it so much. I don't want wrinkles. Or pimples. HA.

oooh. remembered this, yesterday with Anavi we were talking.

Curry buddy, that sounds funny :)

αντίο

p.s. Jeans for Genes day.