Never

So I'm on a roll today and yesterday. Seems to be what I've been doing with every aspect of my life. Procrastinating with every single thing that I do. It kinda reminds me of Hamlet. I really did love that play, I don't understand why people complained so much. Maybe they just did't put the same effort that I'd put into it.

the face of a virgin

Sex is overrated. A person's virginity, also, overrated. It has nothing to do with what I'm about to say. I just wanted to mention that. Anyway there's a huge part of me which really dislikes my current school. I don't know if it's the teachers, the students, or just the strict school environment. Whatever it is, it always gives me the shits and makes me dread going to school everyday. It's true that, fuck forgot what I was gonna say, but it's a getaway, maybe for some. I guess so actually. At one stage in my life I used school to, no wait I didn't. School has been the source of all my problems and why of all schools did I have to go to this one. However if that happened I probably would have never met my boyfriend and if I'd stayed at my old school I can safely say that I'd be pregnant by now. So that's a positive thing. It doesn't change any of the other things that have happened and occur. The people aren't what they seem and for goodness sakes they're all the biggest fakes. I swear I just want to scream at their faces and punch them. I've actually imagined it over and over again. What's stopping me? Not my parents that's for sure. That's what I love them, they allow me to retaliate if I'm being bullied or hurt because they can't stand me being treated like that, and also it's just plain karma, something, for some reason, I deeply believe in. I guess the only stopping me is my education. I've worked so hard to achieve what I've achieved and starting something just wouldn't be worth it.

The words just stopped coming out. I guess that's it for today, hopefully. I really need to study for that exam. I hope to do well and be number one girl. Hahaa,

laters bychezzz

Awesome

Today was and is still a wonderful day. Wait, cross that out. night. HAHA. Betche I know what Alyssa's thinking right now. WTH HECK IS WRONG WITH MY SISTER?!

I mean, today was good because it just was. Went to Blacktown and watched GI JOE with sister, and two awesome friends, SUGAR AND FRITZ. and they're real. Seriously I know people with the best names ever. I have a sister with an awesome name. Ok, chillax. I think it might be from the sugar overload because the lady from Gumballs gave fritz too much sugar in his drink then I ended up drinking it for him. It was funny too cause he bought a Child ticket when he's like 25 years old and got away with it. LOL.

For dinner went to Ate's and Kuya's house and I just laid in the their bed and just lazed off. It was so hot and it was kinda random plus the kids were getting really annoying especially Eugene with the constant I'm bored, let's do something, i'm bored. But apart from that pretty awesome. So much food consumed over the past two days. I'm now bloated. Gosh.

Oh, BTW: movie was OK, i guess.

:D

Stop Hiding

Last night would have to be one of the best nights I've had in ages. He wasn't what I'd expected and like it was a good thing he was there because the other person just doesn't seemt to care anymore and so I liked it. It was good. Refreshing.

I'm sick of being me sometimes. I overdo things and I can't see how people are feeling and their reactions to what I'm doing and at times I go way over the top. I take things too far and obviously that's not fair to people. Anyways talking to my new found friend (and btw. did you read that, it's just friends. Nothing more nothing less, on my side of the whole thing anyway). He's really nice and kinda reminded me of those times, times when I'd have the person all to myself and no one else in the world existed and you can talk about anything non stop. I'm glad. Too bad today kinda well it wasn't like my previous night. Still great but you know not that best day ever. HAHA. I miss Jensen. Not that I talk to him often. Maybe that's why. Too bad we're seperated by 500km of land and another 300km of oceans and countries. And the fact that we are kinda close. Nothing would ever happen yet I know my parents that if I ever found someone like him they would approve and be happy because he's such a gentleman and knows how to make a woman feel like a damn woman and make her happy.

Happy Birthday Vinori !

Giving Up

I’ve been lying to myself. I'm trying to show myself that I'm happy. The truth is I am happy but there’s times when I just want to cry because I know that something isn’t right and that I don’t really have what I want. But on that basis not everyone gets what they want. There’s just not balance in that. So, the reason I wanted to talk about this was because I saw Bilal today. Really, yeah. He was one of my classmates at my old school and I once had a thing for me. At first I didn’t think that I liked him and that I'm just a stupid little girl. But now that I'm older and more mature and realising my true feelings towards others I kinda miss him. We weren’t close. Well at one point we were. Me, Samantha, Tyler and Bilal. We were a group that was happy and hung around each other at lunchtime and played handball. Those good old days. But as the years passed I began focusing on my studies, Tyler & Bilal and Samantha on whatever she was doing and we seemed to just separate. Thinking about it just makes me want to cry. I'm so sad (the stupid, lame, sad). Back to the story. In year 5 or maybe 6 I had a crush on him or liked him whichever one and in year 5 was the year I started going down. The people whom I hung around were very influential and they were the so-called ‘popular’ group and I was part of that. And so I liked him. But because of my genius ability he treated me like a calculator and whenever he saw me he would always ask me multiplication questions which I found annoying but what can I do. So yeah. I don’t know. The same thing still happens to me. I'm still the same unwanted girl except now I'm not even the smart one. I don’t have any traits that people like; even my laugh is becoming more and more hideous as days pass. I think it might be your fault. Not just you but a lot of you put together. All of you have impacted on so many parts of my life which has turned me into who I am now. Confused about who I am and always doubting every decision I make because of the fear of what you did to me occurring again. And you know what it hurts. Bad. I'm not gonna listen to what anyone says. I know that I'm not the best person in the world nor am I the prettiest and I'm quite sure that I'm overweight and if you are going to tell me that I'm not overweight and it’s just baby fat or muscle then FUCK off. I don’t give a fuck what you think because I know the truth and it’s time for me to accept who I really am and see me as me without pretending to be anyone else and try so hard to fit in with everyone else even though I know that I'm the odd one out. The one who’s always quiet because she doesn’t belong. I don’t like that. I don’t like being excluded. Nor do I like being included because you feel sorry for me or because you have to. I just want to fit in with people who are there. I just want one person who I can rely on and is HERE in Australia. I know that if I was in Philippines life would be a blast because I have family and friends there and we had the money too. AND for fuck’s sake people I'm not fucking rich. Gosh. I can’t even save money. The money I have, I have to work for that and I'm annoyed now. This was just meant to be a heartfelt blog and now it’s turned into something else. IT’S YOU FUCKING FAULT. Why did you have to exist in my life?

Today was late. I don’t like being late very much. Now that I'm in SRC and actually got what I wanted I don’t want it to be thrown away because of the bus driver. It’s not fair. The day was rather short really. Maths, well it was maths. No ANGEL either, so I was quite disappointed. Commerce on the other hand, well it was boring too. But the good thing is that for once I understood what the lesson was about, the first time in a long time. And that made me feel proud. At lunchtime it was funny because Xu was annoying us and he was trying to kick the ball and he failed. Literally. I, Jasmine, the retard who just sucks at soccer, is better than Xu. Woah huh. It was hilarious. Sport was afterwards which was the same as last week. Full of fun and laughter. I can’t help it. I just laugh at the most random things and I don’t like it. It’s actually really annoying. Highlights were teasing Jasmine and Himmat’s goals, Jasmine’s headbutt ? I forgot what it was called. I'm pretty sure is not that. The thing you do when you hit the ball with your head. Uhm playing Around the World with Anavi which we didn’t actually finish, the freak bus which started vibrating and freaked me out (and made me look like a super idiot because I jumped out of my seat), my REALLY REALLY REALLY lame call about how I’ve made so many fail calls to Sukhman and I was like something about calling him on his phone. Basically it was just that bad. Then we got back to school and I decided that I wanted to go home early and walked really fast and still managed to miss the train as I have been doing a lot lately (the miss the train part) so I went back to the plaza and sat there with Jasmine and Himmat. Oooh, I showed them my arm right and Himmat was like woah that’s huge and he was like arm wrestle and he said it feels like I'm vs.ing a tank guy and I stopped and looked at his arm cause they were huge too and then I realised that he just called me a guy and had a mini go at him and then I slapped my head and then he and jasmine made fun of that. He then began to mock me and it was funny shit. Jasmine² couldn’t stop laughing and it was just funny. We went to the station and we ran up the stairs. Wow, was I in pain. But yeah, now I'm home so it’s all good. I'm being a good girl and helping my mum because I have to make up for tomorrow and I know what I gonna wear. Kinda.

At the moment it feels like I can relate to the song I Hate That I Love You & Been Waiting. I don’t know why but whatever right. HAHA. One last thing:

I'm over you, so get over yourself.

Arrivederci.