Numb

It has been a while.

Many things have happened since my last post, which probably means I need to post more often but takes too much effort really, for no one to read in the end so what's the point. Aside from something to read in the future of course. And I'm surprised no one has found this blog considering it is public but that may be due to my constant changing of the url which I don't actually know what it is anymore.

So moving on, I died my hair again. More accurately I got it done at the salon, full head of foils and so I'm now half blonde. I'm halfway with it considering not many people like it or complimented me on it. They just stare at me for a second and start talking about something else which I think means that they don't like it. However, recently I've been actually trying to try and bother styling my hair and I'm kinda liking it now. I think it's just everyone's attitude towards me that's causing me to feel like this towards myself. Which shouldn't really affect me cause F em.

On a much warmer note, it actually feels like summer now. Or at least spring so I've taken this opportunity to constantly go to the beach, cause why not? And here are just some photos which we're taken. (Still fatlol)

sis, moi and cuz @ Bondi

wasn't at the beach but hey they're my bestfsss ♥

Aside from the beach, I don't think that I've been living my life to the potential. Maybe because I'm allowing others to control my life and thus not furthering my networks and what not but I'm constantly feeling sad and alone and all that kind of emotion. It's probably because I was PMS-ing but I also know the other reason. I guess I just wished that you had more courtesy towards me, or at least my feelings. I don't think I've put as much effort as I have in our friendship compared to others and for some reason this is how I'm treated. Maybe it's by accident but still, I feel neglected. Rejected? Yes, rejected. I thought that the Jasmine who always got rejected was left behind in high school. But it seems that this feeling has come back and I have no choice but to suck it up and move on because I'm afraid that if I start making a big deal out of it or telling someone I will just burden them or become a drama queen which I don't like seeing on others and especially not myself. I've just left it at that I guess. There's nothing between us. There never was. Fuar, it just seems like I wasted my time again though. I keep making the same mistake and I never seem to learn. And in the end I'm the one who's hurt. Like I'm being punished for not listening to the people around me who told me this and that yet I persistantly believe that for once I'm making the right decision. Well, Jasmine, you're not. So grow up.

Less rant more happy bloggy stuff. Got mid-sem marks back as well as my MPO assignment. I've managed to pass all of them, some barely (ACCOUNTING) but overall I'm content considering the amount of effort which went into those assessments. For some reason it's not getting to my head that I need to get my act together and start focusing on my education, cause honestly it's all I've got right now. That and work. What even is a social life. I mean it's not existing for me really. My friends are all busy. My other "friends" don't even speak to me. And I struggle making friends as it is. My self esteem is at it's all time low and I'm just relying on my make up and dressing skills to cheer myself up and at least make myself feel beautiful or somewhat like that. So yeah, uni. Not really motivated but I'm putting more effort into that now. I guess.

And my all time fave, I'm seeing him on Saturday. I think? I hope so. I'm kinda excited. Haven't seen him in a while and well he really has been there for me all the time. I just chose to ignore because sometimes he pissed me off (but then who doesn't, right?). I'm kinda hoping to spend the whole afternoon with him and then have dinner but I'm so worried that I won't be able to enjoy my day for some unforeseen reasons but I'm still looking forward to it.

Lastly, my arm is numb. Like numb. I got Implanon inserted in my arm and well they put in anasthesia (ceebs dictionary) and she said it takes a few seconds to take affect but like it was affecting me yet and she cut my arm and put it in and stung like OMG but then lucky the anasthesia did kick in and now my arm is just numb. Then stupid me decided to transfer the rain water to the other tank, manually, one bucket at a time and now my arm feels really weak. Plus I have like a bandage on it so I full had to work out what clothes I was going to wear otherwise my mum would've asked me WTF is that and WTF. It would not have ended well...

To summarise, everything around me is pretty hectic aside from myself which is stationary and boring and lifeless and honestly, I just have no motivation to do anything, well because I just don't. People suck. People suck because they don't realise they hurt my feelings even though I've told them how sensitive I am. And I'm not even overreacting. I have some patience, but after a while, why wait?

In the end you're just going to be alone anyway.

password

I feel so insecure.
So he still wants me. But after what I'd done why? This guy must seriously be crazy because who would want a person after they had done what I did. Unless that person was being used. But then again I didn't think it'd be that big of a deal especially that we're not really official official. If we was then maybe I'd understand. I don't know. it makes me cry and laugh but who knows. right now all I'll say is whatevs!

i remember that time when i said i was gonna never blog on this again.

what a lie that was.

Eyes Hurt

This could be because of many reasons, most probably from swimming and last night. But that doesn't really matter. The thing I really wanted to say is look at this picture. Doesn't it remind you of this song:

Trey Songz - LOL :-) (Feat. Gucci Mane & Soulja Boy Tell Em) - Trey Songz

haha. im such a fag.

Japanese Marshmallow Game

I can't help it. I just had to write a blog post. Like yeah. Stupid people no writing blogs because of the stupid maths test which was obviously OVER studied by everyone. At least it's over...for now. There's still quite a bit more work before year 10 is over but we live. I'm off to a relative's party which I really don't feel like going to at the moment because I'm pretty sure that it's gonna be boring and like there's gonna be no one to talk to and I'm just going to be bored to the max. I probably won't even be able to watch a movie on my iPod or something which sucks BIG TIME. I want to just stay home and watch movies all night and relax. Oh well. We can't always get what we want. Which reminds me today was a good day :) Don't want to mention anything except I'm happy. I know why and that's good enough. Hehe.

For those people who aren't feeling what I'm feeling right now though here's something just for you. It's another YouTube clip Fritz showed me last week and it's damn hilarious right and yeah. Just watch it. It's basically two japanese teams (one read, one blue) and they try to eat the marshmallow and watching it would just be the best thing to do. HAHA

Stop Hiding

Last night would have to be one of the best nights I've had in ages. He wasn't what I'd expected and like it was a good thing he was there because the other person just doesn't seemt to care anymore and so I liked it. It was good. Refreshing.

I'm sick of being me sometimes. I overdo things and I can't see how people are feeling and their reactions to what I'm doing and at times I go way over the top. I take things too far and obviously that's not fair to people. Anyways talking to my new found friend (and btw. did you read that, it's just friends. Nothing more nothing less, on my side of the whole thing anyway). He's really nice and kinda reminded me of those times, times when I'd have the person all to myself and no one else in the world existed and you can talk about anything non stop. I'm glad. Too bad today kinda well it wasn't like my previous night. Still great but you know not that best day ever. HAHA. I miss Jensen. Not that I talk to him often. Maybe that's why. Too bad we're seperated by 500km of land and another 300km of oceans and countries. And the fact that we are kinda close. Nothing would ever happen yet I know my parents that if I ever found someone like him they would approve and be happy because he's such a gentleman and knows how to make a woman feel like a damn woman and make her happy.

Happy Birthday Vinori !

Transformers: Return of the Fallen

Uplifting, wonderful, joyous, happy, enjoyable, etc. That's how I would describe today. It was really nice and different. It began quite early for me. Well not really. Compared to my usual days lately, I would have to say that it has been quite early. With 2 hours to get ready I still ran out of time to get ready and arriving at the bus stop I got there early which meant I got quite annoyed. Hmmm. At the station I was waiting for the train, because I missed the other one, and when I arrived at the station there were people there. We got there before 11 and so I bought chocolate yum.

We watched Transformers 2 whilst everybody else watched other movies, obviously. The movie was pretty good. Except beside me I kept hearing, Meagan Fox this, Meagan Fox that... Hmmmm. Movie was really good though and I'm quite happy about it.

Afterwards the movie it was just random wandering around the mall and who couldn't forget lunch with everyone around that single 4 seater table. Quite funny actually. Well to me it was. C'mon 9 people in two tables, we were kinda connected to the asians who was sitting on the other table but yeah. Fine doesn't matter. I was eating so slow too.

More walking around the shops and me and Anavi decided that we didn't want to go to Rebel and she wanted to get a dress so I went around with her looking for a dress and then finally we got to Hipster and found her this really pretty dress which I think makes her look damn fine actually. Makes me jealous. That also became her birthday present from me so that was pretty good. Once we purchased the dress we went back up to onFour and went Max Brenners and ate, well chocolate. What else? Haha. Man, the chocolates gives you food orgasms. Hmmmmmm. After that it was time to go and the we said goodbyes. On the train was just talking and talking. It was like a girl's day out on the train cept it wasn't the whole day on the train and it wasn't just girls on the train. If you know what I mean...

Image of the World

You know how people say that some people can be really influential towards others. I find that weird. I don't see the purpose of following people and copying what they do. I do it to, so I'm a hypocrite. My question is why do people, why do WE do these kinda things. Does it satisfy us? I believe that one day I'm going to be a really good person. HAHA. I was going to say questioner but that sounds weird. But when has that ever stopped me. LOL. Yes, because I like to question and I believe that my questions are suitable and approriate and they're the right questions to be asking. Questions with answers that people would want. I can do this.

I'm an image. I know that. Having sisters who copy everything I do proves that. I may not be the best image at times, but I still am an image and I'm very influential. I should tell people to stop listening to me and do what they want. Do something they want to do for the better.

Stop rambling. I'm excited for tomorrow. For many reasons. Reasons I will not bother typing.

Pyrmont

"Can I ask for anything more?"

To tell you the truth I enjoyed my day and so that it can be ruined don't tell me about your day, how good or bad it was because for once I want to feel like I'm the only one who had a really good & perfect day and no one can ruin it. Although I received a few facts from people and who can blame them, they are facts. And the fact that I spent so much money on random shit, like always but who can blame me, I'm me.

You guys should read this. Sukhman was telling me about it this morning and may I just say, What a way to die:

A man fell into a vat of hot melted chocolate and has died at a factory in New Jersey, a spokesman for the local public prosecutor said.

The 29-year-old man was among four workers on a platform above the vat who were dumping in pieces of solid chocolate to be melted down, said Jason Laughlin, spokesman for the Camden County Prosecutor's Office.

"He somehow slipped and fell into the vat," Laughlin said.

Laughlin said the vat at the Cocoa Services Inc plant in Camden was around eight feet (2.5 metres) deep.

"At this point there's no suggestion of foul play," Laughlin said.

Laughlin says a co-worker tried to shut off the machine and two others tried to pull Smith out of the 8-foot-deep vat.

He was hit and fatally injured by the agitator that mixes the chocolate.

Very random. I could talk about how my day was really good but I've already said that so here are just some of the highlights from my day:

• Being on the train in the morning all by myself. I sound like such a loser and a loner but it was nice. I didn't have to try communicate with anyone and I could do anything I wanted without being judged by anyone. Walking to school by myself was a plus too I guess because I just listened to music and I decide the pace I wanted to walk and where to go next. The 'next' was actually McDonalds where I had breakfast because I didn't have enough time in the morning (probably because I had to dry my hair then straighten it)
• The bus trip on the way to the city was a highlight too I guess because I just sat there talking to everyone about the most random things. I swear I saw Ankita and Sarah looking at me multiple times, they looked dodgy. Lucky for me and Sukhman the seats he got us had extra legroom which means our legs didn't have to be cramped up in the seats, the down side to that was because my legs weren't long enough to reach the other seats that when the bus comes to a halt I would fly forward and slip off my seat.
• Pyrmont, well wherever we were was nice. I mean the rain didn't help because I didn't want to get wet but as soon as the sun came out, the day turned out to be even more perfect, which is just the way I like it. Walking around and seeing the city was nice. I mean the class would get a stare from one of the locals every now and then but who gives a shit about what they think. I didn't realise that the buildings in the city had so much meaning to it well I kinda did but not that much. Being on that wharf was pretty good too because it had this nice park which is actually new (Urban Renewal?). On top of that we got free lunch which didn't make any difference to me because I still managed to spend around ten dollars today.
• The bus trip home was pretty good too. We had more space because half the people were staying back (I wanted to as well but I was not given permission by my very own parents). It was funny because this guy set his Bluetooth name to Hi nigga and sent Aimee random pictures. It was funny as. On the bus we also ate lollies, the lollies which I bought, which in the end actually made me feel sick. Maybe because it was the orange flavour. Probably.

My day, to you may not be interesting but to me it was really good and like I said before don't ruin it for me. Please.

I like how the way things are between me and him.

I don't want anything to change.

This feeling is enough for me and it may be that feeling they call satisfaction.

So, I don't want anything more nor do I want anything less...

Decisions

So many things, so little time. Aaaah, Mary Kate & Ashley. I still remember the good old times. But who cares about that. Just that I can't make up my mind. I'm too picky with people and I don't think I know what I want...just yet. Does this mean I'm confused? Most probably.

Today was rather eventful. Actually if you think about it, it really wasn't but who gives right? PE was quite enjoyable though. The feeling of happiness I had, it was nice to have that feeling once again. Thanks Madison & asians. LMAO. Gym was really good then afterwards we did dodgeball so it was all good. Lunch was the same. Sitting in the middle of the oval talking to Jess and I get paranoid so easily like I'm always looking around to see if there are any balls that's going to hit me. HAHA, then I decided that I wanted to join in, but I was playing with the asians and not the currys which was a change, for once. No big difference 'cept they're asians. HMM. Apart from that all good.

SRC voting tomorrow. I'd just like to say:

People vote for me, please because it would be nice to win something and get what I want...FOR ONCE...

Athletics Day 2

How great was today?

Athletics carnival day 1 of 09 couldn’t have been any better. Maybe because it was some people weren’t there or just because it was really that fun.

It began by me waking up early and actually being bothered to get out of the bed and shower first up, which I don’t particularly like because the water is so called when you’re the first one to be using it. Anyways, yada yada, all the way to the bus stop. Today we had that cool Kiwi Bus Driver who once tried to start a drag race with a truck driver. He’s quite awesome because he took us to the oval unlike the other bus driver from yesterday who sucks big time and made us walk from school. I got off the bus and walked to the other side. I didn’t see anyone so I thought oh yeah, they’re not here yet. That’s when I decided to just sit there by myself all alone wondering to myself why the hell am I here all by myself like such a big loser. Then I was like stuff this. I looked at the schedule for the day then I went to the top of the steps and a few minutes later, luckily, Vinori came and I was no longer by myself.

The day had begun and we had to get our names marked off but before that I found the rest of the group waiting for me and MY mat, I don’t see the need for it but like yeah. There wasn’t actually any events that I had wanted to (excluding the 800m, I didn’t want to be the only one doing it with the white chicks) so I just sat on the mat, listening to music and that’s when I saw Sukhman and Sumeet playing with the soccer ball. Because I was bored, I thought that it would have been a good idea if I went up to them and disturbed their peaceful game and that’s what I’d done. While there I was slowly included in the game which I originally just planned to disturb but like whatever. Then along comes Katrina who just shouts my name and I’m just like, oh great. Because I know why she said that but I’m not publicly saying why she said that, NO WAY. Anyways then along comes Xu, it was kinda funny because even I could throw the ball further(which will help me in the future). Sumeet had to go and do his race then me, Sukhman and Xu was left. I decided that I wasn’t going to put up with this so I went to watch Sumeet’s race. Uhm, I cheered, for everyone actually. Himmat won. Kinda expected that. Tough luck for other people. Wait, he did win the 800m SPRINT right ? Hmmm. Anyways I went to say oh yeah good job etc. Then I put my hand out for a hi-5 and Sumeet was about to hit it then I was like Get back. AHAHAHHA! So funny. Then I did it to Sukhman and I was told that it wasn’t manly enough so I did it again and it was manly. Laugh Out Loud. Get back motherfucker, you don’t know me like that.

Jasmine left, because of the friken lazy, ass teacher we have and told her to give back their assignments cause she didn’t want to take it home. Oh my gosh, it’s only paper. Anyways I was with Sukhman and Sumeet again and a soccerball. Xu comes along, once again, and annoyed us. So firstly Sumeet was like only men can go and that didn’t work. So Sukhman was like ‘fine, Xu, if you can throw the ball further than Jasmine then you can stay with us’. He tried a few times but I win. AHAHAHHA! So he goes and we go play kicks? Yeah that. They were drop-kicking the ball right and I did it and they were laughing, I didn’t know why. I dropped the ball then I kicked it, what’s wrong with that. Then they told me. It’s not suppose to bounce back high, only low. And they I tried so many times but hey at least in the end I got it. While we were doing this Sumeet was reading my Italian speaking and because he’s not italiano he failed and he was trying to read. Here are some of the things which were mentioned:

- your mum smells

- your sisters fat and a pig?

- your pregnant.

As you can see he fails, like, majorly. Then we left. I don’t actually know why. Oh yeah. We got bored and I was thirsty so we went back. I got back and Emma was there and I was talking to her for a while. Then she left and I went back to the mat and the rest of the group was there and we were just talking. We sat on the edge thing and watched the 200m. It was awesome and I didn’t do it. YAHAHAH! Only because I’m so lazy and like seriously just could not be bothered. Then Vinori and Leanne came back after their race. And everyone was there and we were just talking. Then Madison came and he said I could take pictures. I took Vinori because she’s in Towers and she’s good with art and she could tell me if the pictures were good or not. On our journey of photo taking we had to go through different obstacles which we managed to overcome. The first one was teach Vinori HOW to use the camera. LOL. Then were to stand and tell her if it’s good or not. I thought she knew more about it. But yeah it was all good. We got to the boy’s discuss. They were juniors all right. Vinori told me ‘Oh, take a picture of that guy, he look’s pro.’ I click away and suddenly I hear the discuss land a few metres in front of me and I’m just like, OMG Vinori, so much for pro. Then we walked to javelin were we were high jacked by two people. HA, no it was Sumeet and Sukhman and the camera was taken from me and the ball was being thrown and kicked at me. Not fair. Where’s Anavi when you need her (LOL, jokes. :P ) Anyways they, or we, or whatever decided to have a water fight but we still needed more pictures. So we took the rest that we needed.

The next even which I was going to do was triple jump and like I did it and I just did it once. I couldn’t be bothered trying so stuff it. Er. I kinda forget what I did now. Let me think. Oh yeah. I was just walking around with Jasmine and like I saw that the 16yr Girls Discuss was on and like I did that, tried, but didn’t because I knew I had no chance so stuffed it. Right after this was the 100 m finals. I kinda missed all the girl’s races so I was just watching the guys and like seriously , it was full on race. And I was just like, I don’t like you all, grrr. LOL, but how could be people be so fast and im just so slow. I’m telling you, it really is because I’m fat but I don’t know why no one will believe me. Far Out, stupid people. Anyway, after that race was the teacher’s race and Mr. Mel ma, so tank seriously. If only he was a more cooler teacher then more people will like him. Oh well. Ah shit, relays.

The relays consist of the 4 houses (Blaxland, Lawson, Mitchell & Wentworth) with a team for each age group and sex. But since out house doesn’t have many people of my age groups I was selected. Well vinori didn’t want to do it and I didn’t want to force her, but next time I will. Anyways it was kinda hectic because everyone was just like trying to watch and everything was close then no it’s not. Then after a while of waiting for my race to begin, I saw Sumeet (who was also relaying) and I ran and jumped on him and kinda failed. Then he was like what are you doing, but really I think he was thinking, WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH HER? And I said I was bored and I was gonna go piggyback and he was like ok. So I jumped on and I was like YEY! I can see the race now. Suddenly, another one of those stupid teachers come along and tells him to put me down. Dayum. Sometimes there are downsides of being short. Geddit? Down, short. Uhm, yeah. DW. LOL. That’s when people were starting to be like really OMG, OMG, OMG, OMG and worried about the race and I was just like hmmm. Wentworth suck. HAHA. Then I had to get ready and go to my spot and that’s when the nerves kicked in and I was like what the hell did I get myself into. And butterflies in my stomach. Ah! Gunshot. Shit, shit, shit, shit, Like I was literally saying that to myself, what else am I meant to say ? Then Jillian comes and I run. Janine overtook me but no one else and I tried to keep up with her then I could see Louise and I’m like nearly there then I passed it to her. You know what happens in the end. Wentworth comes last, like always. So yeah. I watched the guys’s race too. I have to say the same thing about the guys, BUT at least, they had a better finish with the fancy dress. HEHE. Uhmuumumumum.

Yeah, the day was nearly over and like everyone as just standing, sitting, talking. Then Jasmine, AHAHAh, she get’s attacked to, like I did yesterday but there was no high jump mat which was quite a shame. Later we were standing as a group then two people come (I wonder who they were) and wet us. I really didn’t mind because it was REALLY REALLY hot and it felt good. Yeah. OMG, my hands are so bad at typing.

A meteor came and crashed into the world but it didn’t cause a BIG BANG but aliens were on it and wait, my bad AN ALIEN was on it and it was so big and it ate the whole world in one big bite.

Well, obviously that’s not how the day ended but a pretty good day. I have more pictures from today but I have to get them off Madison first so yeah. I went home and fell asleep then did this which took me quite a while. Like seriously.

Oh my effing gosh! I’m done.

Laters,..

p.s. I was told to write a story about how awesome I was with my dropkick by Himmat so did, well will. It will be the following post, but I will actually post it first so then you can just scroll down to see it. Get me ? So the previous post of this one but scroll down.

;]

FRIDAY DAY DAY

it was sunny today

and i was happy

Last day of school spirit week it was very excitingly fun and sunny and such a bludge. LOL, it began with commerce and i did work, sumarized work LOL and it was very funny and exciting then i realised i was hungry and totally out of it and that commerce wasnt really fun. HAHA. Do i have to go through my day. Like seriously. Right now, as in RIGHT NOW i realised something. But maybe i shouldnt include it in the blog because this is a public blog and thi is a very private thing. But i'm really happy and like totally getting ober him. HAHA. I don't know why I'm laughing but like whatever. But theres something else connected to that, that only a few people know the reason to. Like I only get over people a certain way, and yeah. If you really want to know ( YES, im talking to YOU ...) then ask me, I may tell. But then again, I probably already told you. So yeah.


WORD OF THE DAY:

"BUBBLY"

note: I hate lunchtimes, I figured out that this is the cause of the downturn of my very good moods, so think about what you're going to do or say to me, before you do, because it could be you that changes me.

I caught the train. Laugh out loud.

laters,.
;]

jasmine...

hmmm. jasmine, lasting a whole day without laughing:
merely impossible.

another day at school. with the history exam first up it was on everybodys mind, everyone of course but mine. HAHA. Like seriously if you studied and know all your stuff then why worry about it. Nerves just add more stress and stress gives you wrinkles. Okay. that just one of the amazingly random facts that I know. Afterwards was another IST lesson which was quite exciting. Sitting there next to Samantha (thats a code, kinda) and he gave me gum but the teacher was helping the guy sitting on my other side and I couldn't put the gum in my mouth because it was like 15 mins before he left. SHEESH !

The thing which was really on mind the whole day was Sumeet. Hmmmm, you wish. No, I was excited about basketball and after missing a week's sport I was pumped. And I also got dared (kinda) to not laugh the whole time during sport (explains the above thingo). Being me, of course, managed to last NOT even a minute of talking to Sumeet and fail. And everyone laughed at me for being a failure. But whatever keeps them happy, I don't mind. But yeah, we were told to divide ourselves into 8 groups. There was no 8 groups, so the teacher made a random 8 group and people got cut out of other teams, one of those was me, only because I was sitting at the back. I guess this decision of the teacher wasn't all bad. It gave me a chance to annoy Sumeet big time. And being with year 11 guys vs-ing year 10 guys, it makes your life so much easier. But yeah. I never knew it was so hard explaining how to be a girl. That was another thing I did during this time. After that first game, no one wanted to play where they were so everyone just randomised and before we knew it, we were playing again. I was going to cry from being pissed off at everyone not playing.

Anyways afterwards the basketball game I was going to catch the train with the guys and go to Kingswood along with Sumeet (OMG, wtf man. I think Sumeet hypnotized me or something, coz everything I say makes it sound like I'm totally in love with him). But before that, we managed to fit in a waterfight at the bubblers which I thought I wasn't going to be included in because, firstly I don't like being wet randomly. I only like it when I'm told that I'm going to be wet. And secondly, actually I don't have a secondly. PFFT ! On the way to the station, the guys were annoying because they were guys and they manage to be able to run. It was stupid of me to go running too because I was soooo tired (which also shows how unfit I am because it wasn't really that far). And on train I managed to ditch "my" group again to sit with the guys. Coz it was really funny, they all sit there and take out there lunch and I was just sitting there laughing, because it was like lunchtime but on the train. But lucky me, my stop was there before I could even begin a PROPER conversation and not stuff about wankers and them doing that to each other but I was there so they couldnt. HMM. random.

When I got home I was preparing to got to the Real Estate about Work Experience and I got all nice and looked like i was going for a job interview and I was there for like 5 mins, max. But hopefully I get to do it there, because I'm pulling my hair out, from all the trouble Work Experience is giving me.

Now I'm just sitting here, planning to start my school work, but distraction is not allowing me to do just that. So maybe later.
Laters,..