Winter is here

As always I begin my posts by saying "a lot has happened since my last post" well duh, you only post every few months, of course a lot is going to happen.

Well since my last post, I've had my birthday and turned 20, amazing right? It hasn't quite hit me though how old that really is. Soon ill be 21, then 22, 23, 24 and so on and so on and one day (hopefully) I'll be getting married and having kids.

Anyways celebrated my birthday with a few close mates in my very cosy home with lots of drinks shared between me, Kat and shini. For some reason others weren't as keen to drink. Why? Who knows.

In that time I've also has exams which has been so hectic. I've never had so much pressure to not only pass an exam but also do well considering how poorly I had done in the mid semester exams. I suppose it'll depend on the markers now whether or not I'll make it throuh. On the bright side, I did pass Networking and managed to get 69% which I'm quite proud of because I struggled in the beginning.

On a more recent topic, I've been such a party girl lately and drinking to my heart's content. Not only did I drink at Sarah's party but I also slept over and got to hang out with my oh so very cool cousins. To be honest I finally felt like I belong. Even if it was just for a few hours And even though I spent the morning running to and from the toilet, throwing up everything I had consumed that night. It was nice.

The other night, for post-exams celebrations me and the girls decided to head off to the city for dinner and clubbbanng. And as always I was up to my silly antics, dressed head to toe like a slur but being in Kings Cross, this was the social norm however still managed to get a few glances from the locals, but which girl dress with a low cut top and ass showing skirt didn't get a look, from anyone. We started the evening for a fine dinner at Chef's Gallery and I must admit, it was worth it. Especially the "Piggy visits Totoro House" dessert, WORTH IT! after dinner, some of the girls has left and the rest of us got ready then headed off to the cross and went to Soho, FOAM PARTY where I made my debut in hooking up with someone I've never met before nor do i plan to ever again. No need to worry, it was just a few seconds of mouth to mouth action, which frankly I didn't even enjoy that much. (Not into tounging). I also vaguely remember introducing himself (don't remember his name) and I replied by saying my name is Hannah, which we all know is not. Then things got a little wild so I decided to put a stop to it.

After the incident I decided to take the girls to Trademark although a bit hesitant on the price, but managed to get free entry *cheering and to be honest I still love Trademark. I love the music, the setting and location. Overall it was a great night with the girls which was abruptly ended due to freshy Indians hitting on one of my girls. But the whole thing was a success.

And now, I'm just back to my bored Jasmine, who doesnt know what to do with life.

Cross Elasticity of Demand

Just when I thought I've finally turned over a new leaf, someone keeps blowing me over and have to start all over again...

I have this odd feeling that I'm struggling to move forward with my life. I don't know what's keeping me back. I've let go of all the things that I thought would be holding me back. I've made new friends, tried new things, even changed some of my priorities. Yet for some reason I just cannot enjoy my own life. It's not that I don't enjoy it, there are just some moments where I feel I'm completely alone and no one, I mean no one in this world could care what is going on with me let alone just give me the space I need or at least cut me some slack and let me deal with me own problems or something along the lines of that.

Uni I think, for me socially I'm getting there. I thought I'd never make friends, but I've managed to and made more and I've been talking and hanging out with them which is really fun cause I really like that. But the actual education part of uni, I think I've just been taking it too easy and not taking it seriously and which is probably why I'm failing. Yeah, failing. The word itself is daunting but actual seeing that I've failed assignments and exams, it's kinda just upsetting. It's the one thing that I don't like to happen and it's happened to me so many times already. But of course I deal with it myself because frankly I don't think there's really anyone I could talk to about this who would actually seem sincere nor care about what is going on in my life. And to top that, uni is the least of my problems. There are other things going on at home and with family that I just can't bear to mention because what's the point.

I keep asking myself, What is life? So really, tell me, what is it? Is it where someone who thinks theyre happy and fine and alright suddenly goes through struggle when she thought she's gone through struggle already? Okay maybe I'm just exaggerating a little...alot. I've always told myself that there are people worst off than me and that's cause there is. I consider myself to be extremely lucky, but sometimes I just feel like being selfish sometimes and you know I want people's attentions. And when I do they're rare occassions.

This time around, I'd like it to be on my birthday. And if people aren't going to cooperate with what I want on my birthday, well fcky'all. Im do whatever I want because I really don't care anymore, on my birthday that is. There's not much hype to it either, considering last year I was so excited to turn 18 and now, a year later, it's kinda daunting me that I'm turning 19 already. Soon I'll be 20 and will no longer be considered a teen, especially by my cousins and I'll have to start acting like an adult. Which I've been trying to lately, it's just hard when people continually treat you like a child, which is fun for a while but you kinda get over it.

For someone who has to do two assignments, I rant. A lot.


Since my last post I've:

Bought myself a new watch,

Coloured/Cut my hair,

and made friendship bracelets for my non-existant friends.

Lack of Significance

So I've just had two English exams and a Chemistry exams so I thought I'd put my great english skills to use on this blog. Also exams are past so why is there a need to even talk about it. Basically I'm home right now and I have 3 days off school and I am contemplating on whethere I should study or not and how much will it really entertain me and will I actually be learning studying or wasting time studying. So with that in mind I'm simply deduced the possibilities and decided that I would just waste my time altogether because a forensic chemist it's my job to find evidence then deduce it so I can find if I'm guilty or not. Aha I sound so lame, on top of that it didn't even make sense one bit.

Mouse

You lying, manipulative, desperate bitch.
So glad to be out of your life.


Actually just glad to be out of everyone's lives.

170611

I totally missed the 6.9 mark, but who cares we're on 7 now.

I want to make this a long asssss blog post because I haven't written in a while mainly because there have just been a few assessments all put together and it's kinda stressing me out. So firstly, main point of this is it's pointless :P But like today is my and my boyfriend's LOL, seven months of being in an official relationship with each other. And basically to sum it up I want to use pictures because this way it is easier to sum it up. Dear pj sorry to burn your eyes with the following pics.

This is us kissing, obviously. On a side note, I dyed my hair and I'm so freaking happy. As you can see we make out alot. PDA omgosh, I hate it so much. I hate people watching me. Eh. Today was kinda upsetting though. I didn't get to spend that much time with him than I'd expected. But then again, I have high expectations right. So yeah 7months. Hooray for me.

I really feel like a rant now though. I'll do it in dot points because I can't actually be bothered typing it in detail. Rant begins...now:

• Firstly, what the fuck is wrong with me? I'm always BLAH BLAH BLAH and so on and so on. I'm actually hating on myself so much because it's just so annoying. And I hate it. Deja vu.
• I hate it when people take credit for something they don't do.
• Parents are annoying, or mainly just people in general.
• This weather is kinda annoying as well, I'm sick and as sexy, more like animated as my voice may sound I don't like being sick. It hurts everywhere and it's so hard to concentrate.
• Did I mention I don't like people?
• WHY CAN'T HE/SHE LEAVE YOU ALONE?!
• I hate being in a random pissy mood that has no reason behind it, cause it's stupid.
• People who are soooooo up themself, like dude, you should totally watch that youtube thing Sumeet showed me yesterday (btw, although you didn't mean it, it still hurted)
• Fights, so fucking pointless.
• Not getting what I want, but let's face it, I'm just dreaming hahah.
• School, why so stressful and boring.
• I have my provisional license, yet I'm not allowed to drive, althought my dad does have good reasons why, I shall not expand on that.
• Having no friends, but this is probably a result of my previous rant above about being annoyed at people.
• SAUSAGE FEST
• When my boyfriend gets all whiny and starts crying. LOL, that's me hahah.
• I hate it when my brain doesn't function.

I think that pretty much covers it right now.

And today, I caught the bus for once. I was walking towards PJ and just as I approach her, her bus comes so she walks away so I run after her and spill hot chocolate all over me. Lucky it wasn't that hot. Yeah, LOL. I'm so cool.

Anyways gotta do shit, like study and stuff.

I LOVE YOU BITCHFACE.

and everyone else, just not as much.

mwah mwah mwah ♥

Honestly,

I'm in a horrible mood, all of a sudden and I feel like ranting because I seriously CAN NOT BE BOTHERED to do english and I think releasing some steam would be just so much better.

1. Apart from clubbing my birthday was not as fun as I had planned, it was way different than what I wanted in the first place and I guess that was my fault.

2. I just hate people, I hate the fact that they're fake and I hate the fact that they have to pretend to like me, gosh if you don't like me just stay away.

3. Stop assuming things, because for fucking goodness sakes it's fucking annoying and it's annoying. I think that's just the best way to put it.

4. I'm invited to a house party on friday and I probably can't go because of parents, school and transport, which adds to this irky mood I am in right now and I finally feel like part of something.

5. I bought alcohol which I'm neglecting (soon about to change, maybe) because drinking it would make me feel absolutely guilty and I have school tomorrow and don't wanna turn up off my face.

6. There's gotta be more to my life than always doing school work or even going to school. I'm 18, and I'm boring and I'm hating this.

7. I want a normal relationship.

8. I want to be able to do what I want whenever I want.

9. Now I want to cry.

10. BUT NO, I HAVE ENGLISH TO DO.

11. I wish I could play God like Tyrell or Frankenstein and I wouldn't use my powers to create replicants or monsters and use them as slaves, I would just use my powers to give myself the power to go on a holiday and live on an island with people I want and not have to care about things that I do about now, if that makes sense.

This steam release thing is kinda working. I feel somewhat better now.

Back to english then....

Also, I know that people read my blog, it's kinda obvious so don't act like you don't know about any of this shit because that just pisses me off too, gah i need chocolate.

Never

So I'm on a roll today and yesterday. Seems to be what I've been doing with every aspect of my life. Procrastinating with every single thing that I do. It kinda reminds me of Hamlet. I really did love that play, I don't understand why people complained so much. Maybe they just did't put the same effort that I'd put into it.

the face of a virgin

Sex is overrated. A person's virginity, also, overrated. It has nothing to do with what I'm about to say. I just wanted to mention that. Anyway there's a huge part of me which really dislikes my current school. I don't know if it's the teachers, the students, or just the strict school environment. Whatever it is, it always gives me the shits and makes me dread going to school everyday. It's true that, fuck forgot what I was gonna say, but it's a getaway, maybe for some. I guess so actually. At one stage in my life I used school to, no wait I didn't. School has been the source of all my problems and why of all schools did I have to go to this one. However if that happened I probably would have never met my boyfriend and if I'd stayed at my old school I can safely say that I'd be pregnant by now. So that's a positive thing. It doesn't change any of the other things that have happened and occur. The people aren't what they seem and for goodness sakes they're all the biggest fakes. I swear I just want to scream at their faces and punch them. I've actually imagined it over and over again. What's stopping me? Not my parents that's for sure. That's what I love them, they allow me to retaliate if I'm being bullied or hurt because they can't stand me being treated like that, and also it's just plain karma, something, for some reason, I deeply believe in. I guess the only stopping me is my education. I've worked so hard to achieve what I've achieved and starting something just wouldn't be worth it.

The words just stopped coming out. I guess that's it for today, hopefully. I really need to study for that exam. I hope to do well and be number one girl. Hahaa,

laters bychezzz

Never Again

A few days to my birthday, yet why do I feel like this.

So today I had a change of heart and like I feel much lighter on the inside now and I'm back to normal again, I suppose. I hope so anyway. It may be because of Austin but he's just I don't know. He's a real person, a person so far away that he may as well be a fantasy. It's quite sad that I am unfortunate enough to be unloved by people whom you think loved you but really, well they don't. It doesn't matter. I'm happy. My boys make me happy and I guess I can't really complain when I have something that makes me happy. I shouldnt be selfish and ask for too much and so there's a complete equilibrium in the world around us.

It's unfair that some people have so much negativity in their lives and it just seems that they have all the bad luck in the world. I know I may be sad at the stupidest things but I would be happy to share some of my happyness because I believe in equality between everyone no matter what race, gender, sexuality.

Sometimes I just think too much.



I LOVE YOU BOY :)
although you've made me spend so much money and time on you, it's all been worth it...now only if you were here right now...