Karma

"In popular usage in the West, karma is thought of simply as the good and bad things that happen to a person, a little like good and bad luck. - The literal meaning of the Sanskrit word karma is 'action', but karma as a religious concept is concerned not with just any actions but with actions of particular kind."

I was just reading Buddhist sexual ethics and found this profound and interesting.

HSC next week, there's no point in me ranting about it since probably every other HSC student already has, I mean WE GET IT, were all going through the same thing, you're no different from anyone else. Although if I was different, a good different that is, it would be nice, I would be unique...and I wouldn't be just another sheep duplicating everyones actions, thoughts and movements.

There's a lot going through my mind right now but I just want to be able to set it aside for a few weeks and focus on HSC. I do not need additional stress, I need to relax. I need to enjoy life and I need to do these exams. I cannot wait for the year to end. I cannot wait for New Year's Eve where I'll finally get a chance to set myself free. Heck I don't even need no party. I just want to be able to make my own decision and not to be forced to do things I clearly don't enjoy. I want to have fun with my life, with no trouble just excitement. And it begins next week. The exhilarating feeling which runs through your blood while doing an exam knowing that this can make or break you for the real world.

This is deep stuff. It feels like I got a knife and cut myself deep, releasing emotions suppressed in my body, my blood.

I can smell the fresh air, the sun, gazing straight at me as I lie on the green grass.

I hate myself.

She Ran Away

All she wanted to be was free from the world. The world she knew she didn't belong in, yet something kept her there. A force that wouldn't let her go. But this time she won't hold on. She knows what she has to do and that's set herself free from the isolation she has felt. Clearly this was meant to be.

Wow

A huge part of me is so excited to leave. The other I just want to kill so I have no worries and can leave this school happy and with no regrets.

It' nearly over

Personally, I can actually say that at the end of this year I'll be able to start over and become the person I want to be, the good person I want to be. I guess it's upsetting leaving so many people behind but then if I think about it, the future will have great opportunities for me (or so I hope) and there's no point being glum in something that occurs naturally in life, having to leave people behind but meeting new and different people.

What I'm really trying to say is, I should stop crying because there's no point anymore, there's no point crying over the same thing especially since there's other things in life that can be done instead of doing such sad things.

Uh

I feel pathetic.
I feel like a loser.
I can't control my emotions.
I can't hold back.

I don't know what to do.
It's like I'm lost.

It hurts.

Reality

I keep telling myself that he's not mine anymore, but it just makes everything worse.