i am not happy. i am simply ecstatic, joyous, over the moon, glad, full of life, but not happy. who am i kidding of course i'm happy because of many reasons many of which i wil not speak of.
MY WEAKNESS: sweet stuff.
yes, this statement or that fact is very much a fact and is my one true weakness. i cannot help but be a sweet tooth nor can i resist the temptation of the sweetness sitting on a desk waiting for me to reach it, unwrap it and slowly place it in my mouth as it melts. aah. the sweet taste of sweetness. gotta love that. it may no longer be a wonder why i at many times am of high energy at the most questionable times of life. this is of course aswered by the one thing that i have no control over. my addiction to the sweet taste of sugar and all the many poisons it has done to oneself's body as well as the image of this thing.
gotta love today.
halloween.
just take the lollies from sunshine.
:D
still having those random thoughts. really ? yes man. it's so hard to let go. even though people say it's v. easy it's actualyl v. hard and it's not like the problem has disappeared i've just hidden it and covered it from what it really is. can't complain though. theres people who have worse lives than i and although mine may suck i know it's not the end of the world and that im 100% sure off, for now anyway.
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Friday, October 30, 2009
Tone: Poetry
Your past haunts you when you least expect it.
That's what I said to Jasmine moments ago.
But I'm joyous. And that's great.
Tell later.
make the most of now.
Purp. YOU ARE EFFING GAY. YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO SAY THOSE THINGS.
That's what I said to Jasmine moments ago.
But I'm joyous. And that's great.
Tell later.
make the most of now.
Purp. YOU ARE EFFING GAY. YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO SAY THOSE THINGS.
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Lotus
It's eating me away.
The guilt inside of me.
Yet, what have I done.
Did I do wrong against you.
Jasmine, Jasmine, Jasmine
You really have done it this time.
There's nowhere to go now
But forward.
Still, where that takes you
Is unknown.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
MY: favourite word
Jasmine doesn't want this blog to be oh so boring and therefore has realised that she in fact needs to make it more interesting and suitable for the audience, whomever they may be. She will begin by speaking about her day and the main events which has occured. No, she cannot be bothered to do that and will instead create a story for those interested in reading it or disinterested in whatever else they may be currently occupied with.
my, my, my.
that's a disastrous story. i think i might stick to my normal blogs such as telling the whole world who probably don't care about how my day went and what i'd done throughout the day. at least i know that whatever i do write i can't be criticised because that is me and that's how i live my life.
boxing, i dont want to say it but I TOLD YOU SO (and not you PJ). I said it would be fun, but hey no one ever listens to me right, because i'm just me, what do i know. stupid stupid little grow who's meant to be mature and the person whom everyone looks up to as their role model. but no more complaining because i know that my complaints are useless in this world. i let it out in boxing. i was and still am tired but maybe it was worth it maybe it wasn't enough. i just want to keep punching something or throw something or anything because clearly things are still the same. i'm still the same jasmine with the same jasminesss and yeah. i'm making my dad buy me boxing gloves now. take it out on him. even though he doesn't deserve it, my family is the last group of people i would blame for this state in which i'm in. so boxing, it was good.
do you remember my friend. his such a man. i mean his name even says that he's a man. well he's terrificly awesome and there's no doubt about that. maybe this friendship is v. awesome and i'm quite glad that it is what it is. anything that alters what this thing is/has could probably make things worse and right now that would be a bad thing. so yes. highlight of my day. having a man as my friend. well wouldn't that be your highlight too. i can't believe i'm so mean tho. i don't mean to be. i'm just trying to look out for him. maybe my ways aren't the right ways but i try.
I want to box right now.
i had dinner today. like not outside in a flashy restaurant or at some friend's house. just at home with the family. it was like any other day. but i don't know i just realised it. we talk at the table. that's what usually happens anyway. except when at least one person is not in the mood. then there's this silence which i wish just go aways but whatever it's nice. best part, teasing sunshine and getting her into trouble.
I'm good at making stuff up.
Though I'm a miserable liar.
A modern day girl sees the world as it. She lives by the rules of her parents and those around her. At times she may disobey these rules and go against everyone else, just like every other modern day girl. In her face it can be seen that she is filled with happiness yet something disturbs her within. Like in a cartoon where theres a devil on one shoulder and an angel on another, both showing her different paths. Confusion fills her and somehow, just somehow she listens to the little devil which manages to persuade her to the darker side. From that day on, she no longer saw the world as it, but rather than all the imperfections it had. She criticized people not caring for who they are and losing respect for everyone. She was out of control and yet she couldn't do anything about it. As the day ends and once she is in the comforts of her own room, her bed and everything which made up this different world where she could be whoever she wanted to be and couldn't be judge, whether it was good, or bad. She would cry herself to sleep at night, not wondering what she has done wrong but why no matter what she does it doesn't satisfy her, as if everything was wasted effort to ensure everyone's happiness and in the end caused her to relinquish as she could no longer do anything. She gave it all up, her family, her friends, her world...
my, my, my.
that's a disastrous story. i think i might stick to my normal blogs such as telling the whole world who probably don't care about how my day went and what i'd done throughout the day. at least i know that whatever i do write i can't be criticised because that is me and that's how i live my life.
boxing, i dont want to say it but I TOLD YOU SO (and not you PJ). I said it would be fun, but hey no one ever listens to me right, because i'm just me, what do i know. stupid stupid little grow who's meant to be mature and the person whom everyone looks up to as their role model. but no more complaining because i know that my complaints are useless in this world. i let it out in boxing. i was and still am tired but maybe it was worth it maybe it wasn't enough. i just want to keep punching something or throw something or anything because clearly things are still the same. i'm still the same jasmine with the same jasminesss and yeah. i'm making my dad buy me boxing gloves now. take it out on him. even though he doesn't deserve it, my family is the last group of people i would blame for this state in which i'm in. so boxing, it was good.
do you remember my friend. his such a man. i mean his name even says that he's a man. well he's terrificly awesome and there's no doubt about that. maybe this friendship is v. awesome and i'm quite glad that it is what it is. anything that alters what this thing is/has could probably make things worse and right now that would be a bad thing. so yes. highlight of my day. having a man as my friend. well wouldn't that be your highlight too. i can't believe i'm so mean tho. i don't mean to be. i'm just trying to look out for him. maybe my ways aren't the right ways but i try.
I want to box right now.
i had dinner today. like not outside in a flashy restaurant or at some friend's house. just at home with the family. it was like any other day. but i don't know i just realised it. we talk at the table. that's what usually happens anyway. except when at least one person is not in the mood. then there's this silence which i wish just go aways but whatever it's nice. best part, teasing sunshine and getting her into trouble.
I'm good at making stuff up.
Though I'm a miserable liar.
This day, has been quite even.
28th October.
Get it ?
dont ever again
no more asking me anymore questions and dont you dare give me any sympathy or any of that crap because i will tolerate it and do not, seriously
DO NOT TELL ME WHAT TO DO WITH MY FUCKING LIFE
i am sick and tired of this school. i'm sick of the people who just waste my time telling me pointless things and i hate people who suck up to other people big time and people who are two faced.
ive thought about it a lot and i dont have friends. i do but i dont. like no one that i can really rely on and be there for me whenever i need them and i dont know if it's me or what but that's really how i feel. it makes me cry thinking about it plus the fact that i have to lie to people just so that i will be left alone it's v. stupid but that's how i get through my day. on top of that i can't even maintain my studies. i manage to fail that too even though i dont have any friends. im so scared for my future that nothing will happen and i will be a complete failure with nothing. and it hurts. it does. it makes me cry, non stop. i try hard to live up to everyones standards but in the end i'm never good enough and i dont know why i waste my time doing things for other people when i can be doing things that could help me. but what good will that do anyway right? nothing. if things were different, it would be a fantasy. a utopia. but this is life.
but you know what the worst part is. i have nowhere to go.
DO NOT TELL ME WHAT TO DO WITH MY FUCKING LIFE
i am sick and tired of this school. i'm sick of the people who just waste my time telling me pointless things and i hate people who suck up to other people big time and people who are two faced.
ive thought about it a lot and i dont have friends. i do but i dont. like no one that i can really rely on and be there for me whenever i need them and i dont know if it's me or what but that's really how i feel. it makes me cry thinking about it plus the fact that i have to lie to people just so that i will be left alone it's v. stupid but that's how i get through my day. on top of that i can't even maintain my studies. i manage to fail that too even though i dont have any friends. im so scared for my future that nothing will happen and i will be a complete failure with nothing. and it hurts. it does. it makes me cry, non stop. i try hard to live up to everyones standards but in the end i'm never good enough and i dont know why i waste my time doing things for other people when i can be doing things that could help me. but what good will that do anyway right? nothing. if things were different, it would be a fantasy. a utopia. but this is life.
but you know what the worst part is. i have nowhere to go.
are you all fucking happy now?
**excluding the two most awesome friends of mine plus one other special cockroach :P
KJK. :)
KJK. :)
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
THINGS WHICH HAS/WILL MAKE ME INSANE
right now the only thing on that list is
TOWERS
f to the you to the CK.
:/
TOWERS
f to the you to the CK.
:/
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