stupid stupid stupid

jasmine you are a fool;

today began with that gloomy weather which i really dislike. and everyone waking up late to the sounds of me screaming because hello, it WAS late. I managed to do everything i needed to do to get ready for school and other stuff even my wide reading was half completed.

assembly was cancelled which was pretty good because, no one likes it and it's extremely boring. actually i cannot be bothered going into detail with this so i will go to my main point. during italian i poured water over sukhman's head because he was teasing me and i wasn't in the mood and now i regret it and really pissed at myself and i don't deserve this school or this country.

and next period was pe and we had to do the beep test, i was actually up for it, but seeing as my previous period was ruined i no longer felt that same that i wanted therefore wasnt pump and just wasnt up to it. Sumeet made me run with him but i denied it, two reasons; 1 i would obviously be the first to pull out coz theyre all runners and 2 because im not good enough to run with him or anybody else. So i ran without him and next to jasmine instead. did quite poorly especially since i have been improving with other things lately and managed to only do 6.5 which is very shameful for me.

AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGHHH! I'm just really angry right now and pissed of at myself, i wanna cry but i can't and I don't know why i'm like this. It's not like i want to be like this but sometimes it just get out of hand and, why would anyone want to be my friend. My whole life and everyone else would be so much easer if they'd just ignored me and never became friends with me.

......... crying, ..............................


the worst part is, because of me not focusing on the right things i can't even do my work properly and i'm failing, failing everything and i do try in most subjects but i lack focus and therefore can't do anything. just get over it ! and leave me alone

................................................................................. crying,.....

i'm being open to my thougths, right now that's all i CAN do................

jasmine is a fake idiot that people like but shouldn't like.

mad !

lonely, jealous, angry
these 3 words is how i feel.


i woke up feeling tired and wanted to keep sleeping but the thought of Wednesday made me happy and get out of bed and shower quickly. Even finished early with my getting ready and leaving the house on time to go to the bus stop. With the awesomely cool bus driver, we arrived at school on time and got dropped of in the front gate, the one where everyone likes. I still thought the day was going to be good. I even got a very nice and warm hug from my kuya, which felt good i guess. It seemed to lighten me but he said that I was too short to be hugged, so if i wanted more hugs, i had to grow taller. The englightened mood was soon destroyed after receiving my history results back which was OK, i suppose cause my friend also got this mark, but I knew i could've done better, but shame on me. This was the beginning of my very low mood, though it still had its ups and downs. The rest of the lesson was watching this video on Australia and why people went to Vietnam and conscription and 'All the Way with LBJ' etc. It was all quite boring and very UNinteresting, which kinda shut me down and maybe that's why I wasn't paying attention to the rest of the day.

recess was good, though hunger filled me which cause me to eat all my food and then feel full afterwards. IST was ok, but sitting there on the computer for a whole hour doing something so, something you don't want to do makes you think that it's a complete waste of time and typing continously also does hurt your hand especially if they're frozen stiff. The rest of the period went on, then bell rang and walked outside and SHIT. Man, it was raining. What a great day this was turning out to be. Well the rain clearly ruined my mood and I just wasn't with it for the rest of the day. But sport wasn't cancelled everyone still had to go, but lucky for us we got to go to lab 5 sit down, shut up and watch a stupid movie that everyone had already seen. Basically I thought the whole school day was a complete and utter waste of my time. And far out, frgn Sumeet I hate you! You're so ... aaaargh! Can't even describe it. Walking to station with PJ was fun and I wasn't hearing things and we ran and got there early which was quite nice for me seeing as I always get there in the last minute. At the station everyone else got there and Sumeet with a combover is totally ;). But yeah. Sorry mate, can't bitch about you, too hard. Anyways train arrived and seeing as I'm only there for 2 stops there nothing really much to go on about.

At the bus station I caught the right bus and got home early after of course getting work experience stuff ready. Came home and dad managed to ruin my already worn down mood with me because of me having overdue library books, It's not my fault i don't have time to return it and the worse part is mum makes a totally big deal out of it and tells her friend and making up crap and all she hears is two words and manages to make a whole speech on it. To add to that I had to go swimming which actually didn't turn out as bad as I thought it would, which was good. Because it calmed me down and englightened me again. Then after swimming came back home, gay, gay, gay. Did homework; got pissed at dad, he kinda got pissed at me too, but he just ignored it because he knew at least i was doing work. Yada yada. Now just sitting here doing more work. Need to scream or run. One of them because I will go crazy.

laters.

and btw, forgot to explain why i was lonely, jealous, angry today. later when i do feel like it. and also you're a homo for reading this.

another reminder

must not forget


each blog entry, i must:
-bitch about sumeet
- include the word homo
and other stuff.

reminder:

reminder:

Must not bitch about Sumeet.

that's gonna be hard.

peer support

how lovely was today
i could go on about it forever
but i think it lacked shit today
and only jasmine
knows what that means
so yeah
but it did
which saddened me
just a bit
but whatever

although there was still good things
which had occured
for example:
-whacking jasmine
with my book
during commerce
because
she was making
random humming
noises.
- me changing
my mind
to stay after school
to waste my time
on something
I already knew
which was really
a complete waste
of my time.
- caught the bus
and it was a good bus.

AND
OMG ! Did you see Sumeet's hair today, it was just like, OMG what a try hard man. That biatch! And she copied my outfit to school today. How dare she?!

hehe.
that was my day
to show the ups
and of course
downs...

anyways, laters,.

confused,.. again



----------------------

everyday my blogs have been getting shorter and shorter but like anyone cares about that, maimly because they would have to read less and they seem less boring when theyre short & sweet. Ha, unlike some other things.

hmm. i guess i'l begin with today i went to school and it was an extreme let down seeing as i already had a pretty crappy weekend. mostly because of the eww smell of the hair dye. and i dyed my hair. it's like so not obvious and i actually don't think no one has noticed. on the good side, my parents won't realise that i dyed my hair behind their back.

really, all i wanted to say was i just want to get all this over and done with. how long can someone last liking someone and not telling them. plus the fact i make it obvious enough for the second party to realise that hello, i like you! And as if my life couldn't get complicated enough, i have to cram in all my assignments and other stuffs which i particulary don't want to have to cram in.

so basically if you are reading this i love you, but you just don't know who you are just yet. I guess it'll just have to wait after all the assignments and shit that got to do. and my head hurts too. another complicated reason which i'm not gonna go into now.

and OMG, sumeet she tries so hard these days like it's not even funny no more. shameful.

so... laters,..

LOL

confused to the max = jasmine

yar :(


help me.

i can't stop thinking
but now i'm having second thoughts too
.......


btw.
Sumeet is a gay biatch.